The Hunt for the Best New TV Shows of 2013

Now we all know that as far as TV goes, Castle and Project Runway will always have my heart…

That being said, I decided to make a foray into 2013’s fall pilot season.  Why, you might ask?  Well, Bob – mostly because I too am writing a TV Pilot.  Yes, that’s right.  After years of making my living, my ludicrously high paid living, writing novels for millions of readers worldwide, I’m making a change.  But more about that later.  For now, Bob let’s just leave it that I’m watching a lot of TV.  Just me and my neck, me and the boob tube.

So here are my reviews thus far.  I promise more to come as the week winds on and my neck keeps me busy.

• Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Watched the whole first episode. Won’t be watching a second one.
• Sleepy Hollow – Great pilot, lots of cool effects, enjoyed watching it…but I won’t be tuning back in.  Just not enough hook to catch me.
• The Blacklist – Slow to get me, but I kept watching because I have a thing for James Spader.  By the end though, I was all cards in.  I’ll tune back next week for sure.  I just hope the girl can keep up.
• Hostages – Eh. Couldn’t finish the pilot and maybe that’s because I tried to watch it right after Blacklist.
• Trophy Wife – Cute and fluffy. 30 minutes went by fast. I will probably watch again, but unless they tune down the screaming ex-wives and multiple children, I can’t see this one running the long haul with me.
• Mom – Lasted 5 minutes in…maybe less.
• Agents of Shield – Watched 2/3 of the pilot and finally just couldn’t take the cheese.  Will purchase crackers.  Will not try again.

More to come so stay tuned!  (get it? stay tuned.)  Someone please get me some Advil and an ice pack.  I’m dying over here.

P.S. My list of shows has been compiled from “Best Of” lists thanks to Rolling Stone Mag, Business Insider, Huffington Post, TV Guide, IMDB, Newsweek, and the color Marigold.

 

Ouch. A Pain in the Neck.

For two days now I’ve been walking around like Lurch from the Adam’s Family.  One minute I was fine, the next I couldn’t move.  Seriously.  It’s terribly depressing spending 2 days in bed.  And the kids have colds.  I never knew I could say this, but I’m sick of watching movies on Netflix.

I just want my neck back!  My neck that moves please.

 

Sam and the America’s Cup

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire…Sam and the America’s Cup.  Little did you know how synonymous these two two stories were.  In Harry Potter, said hero must travel the maze, navigate a quagmire of nasty magic, and win the goblet (aka, the big cup).  In Sam and the America’s Cup, Sam must watch the race 24/7 on TV (all the while exclaiming and poking me, I might add), travel to San Francisco, and watch a bunch of boats navigating around the harbor trying to win (you guessed it) a big cup.  You see what I mean?  Basically the same story.

After a week of nodding unenthusiastically every time Sam wanted to show me these 13 story boats traveling at nearly 50mph (in person I would’ve loved it, but on an iPad, ehhh) I got a great big surprise last night.

Sam got home pretty late.  I had put both kids to bed, cleaned up, and was watching Orange is the New Black in a semi-comatose state on Netflix.  “Hey.”  I said tiredly.

“Hey.”  he said back, plopping down next to me on the sofa. “I’m flying to San Francisco tomorrow to see the America’s Cup!  I’ll be back around 9.”  

I narrowed my gaze.  “This is for work?”  

“Oh yeah.  Totally.”  (we both knew this was total bullship*)  “I leave at 7 in the morning.”

“Uh-huh.  We need toilet paper.”

I won’t bore you with the rest of our high-octane evening, but it’s a little after 7 and Sam is off to watch sailboats.  I meanwhile am herding cats today.  

Where did I go wrong???

* I’m working on toddler-appropriate cursing

Fork You, Whole Foods

• Shopped for an hour.  
• Negotiated with a terrorist (my 3 yr old) who wanted to purchase everything she saw.  
• Stood in line for sliced bread, coffee grinding, pizza cooking, deli slicing, and fresh salmon.  
• Waited forever and then some at the meat counter.  
• Waited in line at the checkout counter.
• Bagged up all the groceries and…I had forgotten my credit card.
• Begged the girl at the customer service counter to let me rattle off my Mastercard number so she could enter it by hand into the charge machine.
• Waited another 15 minutes for the manger to come out and approve it.  He said he was too busy.
• Left my carefully selected bags of groceries at the front door and went home.

Whole Foods…I am not happy.  Not happy at all.  What happened to your great customer service?  My mistake, but yours too.

Yuck.

The Big Bad Wolf

My 3 year old daughter wants to be a big, scary wolf for Halloween. (her words, not mine)  That or a pirate, she can’t decide.  But the wolf seems to be winning the race and I found myself late last night Googling “wolf toddler costume.”  The findings were not plentiful.  Looks like there aren’t a lot of children who want to be wolves.  Fairies?  Batmen?  Firefighters?  Ladybugs?  Yes, yes, yes, and yes.  Wolves?  Eh, not so much.

What I did find however, was Pottery Barn Kids and dear me, are those costumes darling!!!  Not that I would ever ever ever in a million years spend $100 on something she’ll only wear once…. Okay maybe if I were Beyonce I would, but as plain old me?  No way, Jose.  And even though they don’t exactly have a wolf (they call theirs a werewolf) costume, I’m still liking it.  Except for the fact that we live in Southern California and that much costume is jut too much for a balmy October night.  But maybe she could just wear the onesie and the wolf head.  Hmmmm…..

So here they are in all their cuteness glory.  Folks, I give you my favorites of the 2013 Pottery Barn Kids collection:

 This is the wolf “werewolf” costume I found for my little one.   And the baby could wear this wolf costume.    And Sam could wear this wolf costume, ’cause you know what they say… The wolf family who trick or treats together, hits the streets together.  Ow-Ow-Owhooooooo!!!

Happy Place.

I’m totally planning a day trip with the kiddies to visit this happy habitat.  No hair?  No smell?  I’m amazed.  Meanwhile my ONE dog just threw up all over a chair I recently reupholstered.  And I’m pretty sure that’s a piece of kibble I spy under the dining room table.  Gross.

Maybe I just need a few more dogs and they can band together to learn how to vacuum and clean for me.  Now that would be a happy place indeed.

Cat House on the Kings

Liberty Bottle Works

Liberty Bottle Works – 6 Reasons Why This Is the Best Water Bottle Company in The World

1. Made in America
2. No bizarre chemicals that rhyme with CPA, gromide or barsenic
3. EXCELLENT customer service
4. No leak bottles just the right size for little hands
5. Great artwork
6. Super duper affordable!

After an exhausting internet search for a water bottle that wouldn’t leak, wouldn’t cause my daughter cancer, and didn’t look like we were a family who slept in rock crevices (I needed cute) I found Liberty Bottle Works.  While other bottles were upwards of a zillion dollars, Liberty had great designs at very reasonable prices.  Done – I bought it and  it was the best $12 I ever spent.  Then I lost the straw.  Uh oh.  But when I called customer service (wait for it…) they immediately said they’d send me a bag of replacement straws at NO COST.  I know right?  Amazing.

Liberty Bottle Works.  Don’t wait another second.  Buy one!

My Son, The PitBull

Pit Bull (noun) 1. a dog (as an American Staffordshire terrier) of any of several breeds or a real or apparent hybrid with one or more of these breeds that was developed and is now often trained for fighting and is noted for strength and stamina  2. an aggressive and tenacious person

Brushing the teeth of my 1 year old this morning with one of those finger toothbrush things (rubber, bristles, you slide it onto your finger and brush) and the kid locked down.  One minute we were brushing (ie: me trying to get the toothbrush around his little mouth, him trying to bite me) when all of a sudden, LOCK!  He bit down and locked his jaws like a Pit Bull.  I coaxed him.  I begged him.  I finally hung him upside down until he was laughing so hard he let go.

So now I’ve got 9 fingers and a stub.  It’s a look I’m pulling off.

Damn Pit Bulls.

50 Shades of Hollywood Exciting

Let me begin by saying that I’m fairly excited about who Hollywood has chosen to be Mr. and Mrs. Christian Grey.  It’s a heck of a lot better then it could’ve been.  Hollywood casting has chosen some real doozies in the past that from the very get go I was like, um? Excuse e moi what?!  Sometimes you know failure before you even have to see it crash and burn. Exhibit A: Katherine Heigl, Jason O’Mara and Daniel Sunjata as Janet Ivanovich’s characters from the Stephanie Plum novels?  Blech.  What a waste of a perfectly good franchise opportunity.  You’ve got what?  19 books in a series that people are still reading and Hollywood shoots that money-maker in the foot. Katherine Heigl?  I’m sorry, but Oprah would’ve make a better Stephanie Plum than Katherine Heigl. Exhibit B:  I remember when I saw The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (the 2009 Swedish version) and was blown away by how well Michael Nyqvist and Noomi Rapace translated the book into action.  Two years later, Hollywood made its own version, which I never saw, but scoffed at.  Iye yie yie.  Daniel Craig?  Casting did understand the character was a reporter and not an international hit man, yah? So now we come to the movie everyone and their grandmother has been waiting for…50 Shades of Grey.  Of course fans are in a roar over who is playing who, but here’s what the doctor is giving us.  Dakota Johnson and Charlie Hunnam – Ta dah! Now if you’re like me, you’re like “who are these people.”  So let me tell you.  Charlie is the guy from Sons of Anarchy (never seen it) and the recent monster hit, Pacific Rim.  I saw Pacific Rim and I can’t say much about his acting chops, but he’s great to look at.  (see shirtless photo above)  You all who watch Anarchy will have to tell me if he’s any good or not. As for Dakota, I’m actually a big fan after seeing her in the Fox flop, Ben and Kate.  I liked Ben and I liked Kate.  Dakota was hapless, clueless, awkward, lovable, and fit – that girl has a great figure.  So put a pair of glasses on her, some brown hair, and yeah, I can see her getting spanked by Mr. 50 Shades of Complicated.  I had no idea she was Hollywood progeny and I wish I still didn’t.  I think if people thought she was a nobody they would really dig her.  She’s pretty likable despite being Hollywood royalty. In short, I am cautiously optimistic about this movie.  Casting did a fairly decent job and now we just have to watch and see how director Sam Taylor-Johnson (that’s a woman by the way, I’ve never heard of anything she’s done) makes an X rated movie into an R rated one.