And I’d Like To Thank the Academy…

Once again the days have roared by like one of those supertrains in China and my poor blog has withered from neglect.  Will I ever have the time to write consistently again?  And speaking of trains, did you know that the G1049 Harmony Express goes 250 mph?  Meanwhile poor Amtrak is doing about as well as my blog…or maybe even worse.

Well onwards and upwards.  It’s that time of year again when all of the “good” movies come out and when people who love the movies get excited.  I myself am more of a summer blockbuster /offbeat Indie kind of girl, which is why I still regret going to see The Wrestler.  However, for those moviegoers who like dark, gritty, and full of angst, this season is for you.

And just in case you’re more curious about the Chinese supertrain than movies about rape, incest, drugs, and masochistic wrestlers: China Steams Ahead With World’s Fastest Train

Missing Writing

Yee Gods.  It has been forever and a day since I’ve been able to write and it feels so good to get on here and blah-blah-blah-blah blah!  For those of you still connecting the dots, I won’t ruin the secret.  And for those of you who know what has been happening, holy moly Batman.  Where is my instruction manual?  It’s midnight on a Sunday and this is my free time?  How did that happen?

In other news and world reports the following not-so-exciting adventures have ensued…

1. I saw the movie Eat Pray Love and while it was nowhere near as amazing as the book, I didn’t hate it either.  I can’t wait until I do my own pilgrimage to Kathmandu.  Oh the stories I will write about as I smile with my liver.
2. I just spent precious moments of my free time Googling people.  Am I the only one who does this?  About once a year I Google people from the past just to see if they really exist or if my memory has been playing tricks on me.  And then of course I Google myself.  This time I’m the #2 Sara Morris and there’s a picture of me that pops up.  Someday I’ll have to meet the #1 Sara Morris and ask her how it feels to be numero uno.
3. I’m obsessed with fall fashion and can barely wait for the opportunity to wear soft camel cashmere and chunky wool jackets with epaulets.  I love the military look and am so glad it’s back although in my closet, it never leaves.  Project Runway is luckily satisfying my urges until then.  I’m rooting heavily for Mondo.  Go Mondo Go!

That’s all for now.  Until the next time I’m up at midnight doing nothing good… xo, me

Hello, God. It’s Me, Crazy.

Ever since my dear friend (The Giant Panda, you may have read about her in my previous blogs) had her baby, my life has been turned upside down.  I’m not quite sure how I got roped into being her 24/7 bitch, but there you have it.  As a result, my life has gone down the tubes.  No blog writing, no teeth brushing, and you can just forget about getting a hair cut.  I look like one of those women on COPS who gets arrested in their trailer park for drunk driving over a neighbor’s lawn ornaments.  I’m not kidding – I’m a mess.

The Panda is not doing so hot either.  This morning she had throw-up on her pajamas and a twig in her hair.  When I asked her where the twig came from she mumbled something about a 4am feeding and then proceeded to squeeze some breast milk into her coffee.  The Panda and I are like Laverne and Shirley meet Dumb and Dumber.  In all fairness, I’m Dumber.

The truth is, no one tells you how hard this baby-raising gig is.  Or maybe they do, but it’s impossible to understand what they’re talking about until you fall down the rabbit hole yourself.  I feel like an anthropologist on an expedition to interact with and study a bunch of Amazonian cannibals.  Not that the Baby Panda eats human flesh (she’s still on an all-milk diet these days), but she’s equally as strange and fascinating.  For those of you who read my blog to experience inane repartee and intense investigative journalism, I apologize for being stuck on this baby kick for so long.   All I can tell you is that until I come out of the trenches, this theme is here to stay.  Tune in next week for ‘Hiring a Nanny: everything you need to know, but wish you didn’t.’

The Captain Would Like To Buy You a Drink

Yesterday was a big day over here in Lala Land.  First off, Hanky Panky (aka Hank the Tank aka the Big Guy)

boarded a red eye on Continental to take his first solo vacation.  Well, second if you count his stint in rehab jail camp this summer.  We had had a long talk as a family and decided that Hank was old enough to spend some time on the farm back east.  Kiki had spent a summer by herself at the farm years ago and loved it.  According to my Uncle Harry, she became a real country dog; chasing squirrels, lying in the dirt, exploring the wilderness.  Now I don’t necessarily believe the country dog part (this is Kiki we’re talking about – the dog likes to shop at Neimans in a Chanel bag), but she seemed happy when she came back to LA and that’s all that matters.  So when Hank voiced his desire to leave the city and to see some foliage and snow, we started researching how to make it happen.

Continental is one of the few truly “pet friendly” airlines out there and they have the exorbitant pet carrier fees to prove it.  Not much less money than Pet Airways, Hank traveled safely in a pressurized and air-conditioned area made especially for pets.  $600 later (Pet Airways was $645 and the lowest we were quoted to transport Hank across the country via auto was $3000 so in our minds it was a real deal) Hank arrived safely and none the worse for wear.  Unlike American Airlines or United or one of the other airlines that sadly lose and inadvertently kill hundreds of pets a year, Continental took wonderful care of our Hank and we are grateful for it.  According to my Aunt and Uncle, Hank is happy as a clam and ready to gallop through the trees and hunt buffalo.  I just hope the wild critters at the farm learn quickly.

And then yesterday, my mom left, which was our second big occurrence.  After weeks of company (we’ve had guests here since July 13th), the house seemed quiet and empty with just me and Kiki and youknowwho.  I was feeling sad and lonely when she phoned up late last night that she had arrived safely.  “I’m here.”  she said.  “And you’ll never guess what happened to me.  I sat down and my movie thing wouldn’t work for my seat.  So I wrote a note to the captain and gave it to the flight attendant.  It said, ‘Since I can’t watch a B movie and I can’t listen to music because my seat’s broken, how about you buy me a drink so I can fall asleep?  Sincerely, 14D’  And guess what?  The flight attendant came back and told me that the captain would like to buy me a drink.”

This morning as I walked Kiki under the blue, cloudless, Southern California sky an older neighbor called out to Kiki, “Hey, cutie.  You taking your owners out for a walk?”  I told him she was  and he came over to pet her.  I felt better immediately and I had to smile.  Talk about making lemons into lemonade…the Captain had just bought me a drink too.