Monthly Archives: September 2009

No Porn For Me Please

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting at the library with one of my students in Los Angeles.  Well to be precise, he was sitting there and I was late, but I was walking across the room as fast as my two legs could take me.  When I finally reached him, he whispered something I couldn’t hear and got up.  The next thing I knew he was conversing with the librarian at the front desk…and then my student walked back and sat down.  I asked him what was going on and he looked at me carefully.

“What is it?”  I asked again.

Through clenched teeth he whispered.  “That man is watching porn.”

“What man is watching porn?”  My eyes raced around the library.

He leaned closer to me and pointed with his head.  “That one.”  And sure enough, maybe 15 feet away from us, a man was watching porn on the computer.  At first I couldn’t be sure because 15 feet is a long distance, but then he clicked on one of the many little boxes on his screen and a woman’s big boobs began hitting the front of the computer screen. OH MY GOD.

We tried to work we really did, but it was impossible to stop from watching.  It was like a train wreck.  There was a man in a public library watching internet porn. I’m not making this up.  A few minutes later and another librarian  came over and began using the computer next to the porn-slut.  We watched like two old ladies waiting to see what happened next as the porn-slut changed the screen and he and the librarian had a Mexican stand-off.  Eventually the librarian walked away without ever having said anything and the porn-slut went back to watching porn.  This time something even more graphic than boobs.

“Holy $%^&!”  My student exclaimed and I looked up from trying to distract him by explaining inscribed circles (I know, not very distracting) to see…well, you know.  I jumped up and walked over to the librarian’s reference desk.

“Excuse me.”  I said to the tiny woman with the bob of brunette hair that made her look just like Mary Tyler Moore.  “There’s a man over there looking at pornography and it’s very disturbing.”

She shook her head sadly.  “It’s the library’s policy that people have the right to view whatever they want.  I’ll try to talk to him, but it’s his public right to look at it if he wants to.”  A minute later, she spoke with the porn-slut and to all of our surprises, he left.  My student and I breathed a sigh of relief.  What a weirdo.

At the end of our session, I walked up to the check-out desk to get my parking validated.  The librarian who stood there was the same one who my student had initially spoken to.  “So you saw one of our porn watchers?”

“Yeah.”  I said, shaking my head and thinking that he was joking…but what if he wasn’t.  “Really?”

“Oh yeah.  That’s why we have all those special screens on the computers.  It’s so that other people can’t see.  At least two-thirds of the men who come in here look at porn.”  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the screens didn’t work.

“That’s crazy.”  I said instead.  We talked for a few minutes about the freedom of information and then I left.  But not without one last glance around the library…what a weird day.  Who knew libraries could be so racy?  Or maybe I’m just lucky.  Things do seem to happen around me that don’t happen to other people, but porn at the library?  Even for me that’s a new one.

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Vagistat! Dun-dun-duhhn…

This weekend I was in Memphis for the wedding of Sam’s cousin, Hank and his beautiful bride, Pung.   It was magical and southern and full of Memphis, Hank an Pung, and End of September 031surprises.  The ceremony and reception were held at an old plantation home on Horseshoe Lake in Arkansas, which was incredibly picturesque and romantic.  And now I’ve been to Arkansas.  Arkansas…check!  Everything was going great until the sun came down and from the darkness swarmed mosquitoes so sneaky I never even felt them bite.

I have 39 mosquito bites just between my knees and my tippy-toes.  39 and I’m not including thighs or arms.  Last night I had a freak attack because I was itching so badly, my sanity was at risk.  “There’s cortisone cream in the basket.”  Sam yelled into the bathroom as I rocked and rolled on the floor trying to rub the bites without breaking my skin by itching.  “It’s not there.”  I yelled back, cursing whoever had used the last of the anti-itch cream.  “Hold on,”  Sam hollered.  “I’ve got Vagistat.  It’ll help with the itching.”

It’s a testament to how itchy I was (39 bites!) that the following thoughts didn’t cross my mind: A) why does Sam have Vagistat? and B) Vagistat?!

Sam slathered the stuff all over my bites and…it helped.  A lot.  Afterwards he read the directions, “Apply to itchy areas outside of the vulva.”  We both agreed that knees, shins, calves, and feet are all outside of the vulva.  I actually put the stuff on again this morning.  It’s wonderful; numbs the bites in mere minutes.  Much better than cortisone cream if I’m being honest.  Despite the embarrassment of having to walk up to the cash register holding it, I’m going to buy another tube to get me through the week.  I’m telling you, it’s that good.

Vagistat, because itchy is itchy, no matter how far outside the vulva.

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Throw it at the Wall and See if it Sticks

I know, I know…this has been a bad week for blogging.  The thing is, I’m exhausted.  Working until 8 or 9 at night, running around town like a beautiful banshee all morning (okay, not beautiful, just banshee) – it’s enough to put a woman down.  So I apologize for the crap week.  I’ve been throwing stuff at the wall and then watching to see what sticks.  And honestly, today’s no different.  Tomorrow I’ll be on an early flight to Memphis so there’s no chance of me clogging up the brain drain with drivel.  Just take it while you can, take it while you can…

Today’s story: Hip Hop Dancing with a lot of popping and locking…

-vs- Robotics…

-vs- the hip hop champions from 2008, the Philippine All Stars.  You can see the combination of hip hop with a little bit of  flavor thrown in.

I just got back from my own dance class…which looks a little more like this than the above.  (Does this kid’s parents know he’s doing this in his bedroom?)

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Things To Know

Wednesday’s List of Things To Know:

  1. Who What Wear – a website for fashonistas who want to look like the ‘Who Wore What’ section of Star magazine.
  2. City of Glass, the third and final book in the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare is out.  For those of you who didn’t know what to do after they finished Twilight, this series is for you.
  3. PetPlace.com – for when you’re not sure if a little rice and chicken will do the trick or if you need to take Fido to the vet.  Just type in ‘diarrhea’ and see if the symptoms warrant Dr. Feelfurry’s help.
  4. For those of you who can’t figure out what the difference is between white sugar, brown sugar, honey, and agave nectar, this article is for you.  The LA Times breaks is down and explains what sweets are good and what sweets are just leading you down the altar to obesity and diabetes.
  5. Calorie Count – type in anything you want and figure our just how much you’re putting down your gullet.  It’s eye-opening.  Do it for one day, just one, and I promise you’ll be surprised enough to make some changes.  Take me for instance, it’s going to be a long time before you see me at the sushi bar…unless of course, it’s my only meal that day.
  6. Green Wedding Shoes – I’ve read a gazillion wedding websites, but this one steals the cake.  Focusing on a-typical weddings, usually involving creative types, it’s no wonder I love every one.  I only wish I could know about them beforehand so I could’ve crashed.
  7. Pretty Pen Jen – an artist who makes her living by the pen.  I don’t know what I need this for, but it’s so pretty I’m working that part out.  Maybe a sign with my name on it?  Just in case somebody around me forgets?
  8. Endless.com – free shipping both ways and some pretty good deals on shoes.
  9. For whenever I need a baby gift (and there must be something in the water out here because I’ve been getting a lot lately), I go to Wonderland.  It’s wonderful, especially in the book department.
  10. And last, but definitely not least, Yelp.  Best site hands-down, for finding what you need.  I use it daily and wouldn’t leave home without it.

That’s it for today.  Go out and get ’em!us

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The Big B: Bankruptcy

Just when I thought things were finally turning around for us, a report comes out that more huge companies might be filing for bankruptcy in 2010.

  • Hertz Rental Car
  • Sprint/Nextel
  • Macy’s
  • Goodyear
  • CBS Television

Last weekend at the movies (I saw The Informant! with Matt Damon.  He was fantastic.  Overall, the movie was better than Burn After Reading, but not as good as The Good Shepherd.) they screened a preview of Michael Moore’s new movie, Capitalism.  Controversial as always, Moore walks up and down Wall Street with a huge bag yelling, “The American people want their money back!”  As of August, the United States Bureau of Labor sites 14.9 million people unemployed, a 9.7% raise.  This does not include any workers who have had their hours cut and have consequently gone from full-time to part-time.  The rest of the statistics are equally as bleak.  (Employment Situation Summary)

So what happens if more businesses declare bankruptcy?  Well it’s obvious isn’t it?  If they declare Chapter 7, they liquidate everything and more people are out of work.  If they file Chapter 11, then they’re allowed to reorganize, which on the one hand might save jobs, but on the other hand just means more loans and more bailouts.  Like suing, declaring bankruptcy has become the legal act du jour.  It’s awful.

  • Hertz can’t pay back the financing it used to buy its cars.
  • Sprint/Nextel is losing all of its customers to Verizon and AT&T; 4.4 million just this year.
  • Nobody’s shopping a Macy’s.
  • The demand for Goodyear tires is down and the United Steelworkers union won’t allow them to close factories.
  • And CBS needs more advertisers or less expensive shows.  They’ve got 3.2 billion dollars in debt. (Article)lombard-street

So why did I think things were getting better?  Because the housing market was starting to come back?  Because shop owners I know are starting to see some foot traffic?  I don’t know.   Seems to me like maybe we’re in a patterned rut that looks a little like Lombard Street in San Francisco; a little bit left, a little bit right, but on the whole, still downwards.

And just in case you missed it:

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Monday Monday

You know that old song, ‘Monday Monday’ by the Mamas and the Papas?  I woke up with it playing on the soundtrack for my life.

I don’t know if other people have this, but sometimes when I wake up on a Monday I feel this overwhelming sense of ‘Oh My God, another week.’  Perhaps it’s because I cram so much into each of my days, but honestly I’m already exhausted and it’s only Monday Monday.

I think about my calendar versus Obama’s for instance.  How does he do it?  From 6am to midnight, meeting after meeting, handshake after handshake.  Does he take a nap under his desk in the Oval Office when no one’s looking?  That’s what I would do.  Tell my chief of staff I needed to read over a peace treaty in private and then sneak a 30 minute cat nap in.

So for those of you who woke up tired this morning, but who aren’t the leader of the free world so maybe you feel a little bit guilty about it…this one’s for you.  Try it in the middle of your office today.  The more people you organize and convince to join you, the higher your chances are of coming back on Tuesday.

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Word of the Day

Logorrhea \law-guh-REE-uh\, noun:  1. Pathologically incoherent, repetitious speech.  2. Incessant or compulsive talkativeness; wearisome volubility.

Today’s blog will be short.  Hank was sick all night with something that rhymes with logorrhea.  I’ve had no sleep and if I were to write anything it would be nothing but logorrhea.  Hence, the word of the day: Logorrhea.

It’s a train wreck over here.

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