A girlfriend of mine recently told me about a couple she knew who met on the internet, began dating, and wonder of all wonders, fell in love and got married. Huh? Really? All those painful blind dates can lead to happily ever after? Amazed, I contacted the couple and begged them to answer some questions for me. In a two part series today and tomorrow, Margarita and Avi will tell their story of how two people met via the internet and are now spending the rest of their lives together. Moral of the story: if it can happen to them, it can happen to you.
And without further ado, please meet the lovely Margarita and Avi! Let’s jump right in, shall we?
Me: So how long were you on J. Date before you met one another and had you given up hope of “it” ever happening or were you having a good time internet dating?
I first joined JDate when I was 30, and I met my wife on JDate when I was 34. Between 30 and 34 I was on JDate on and off. While I had some relationships that lasted from 3 to 6 months during those 4 years, once the relationship would end, I turned to all dating options that were different from the internet; but, when those would end, I would always go back to JDate.
JDate was this “comfort” thing for me. I seemed to always know (or hoped) that I would find a Jewish woman on JDate that would intrigue me enough to date… and look at that – 4/7/2007 – I FOUND HER!!! 😉
I was on JDate for a very short period of time after I had graduated college in 2002. I didn’t take it seriously at all; it was more of a fun thing to try after just getting out of a long term relationship. I didn’t really care about the Jewish thing so much, it was just another tool to try and meet potential dates. I was literally over it in a matter of weeks. Then after many years went by, around February of 2007, I had finally decided to get back on JDate. Once again, I had gotten out of a very serious relationship, but this time I went on JDate for 2 reasons. The first being I wanted to enjoy the single life and date around. I was pretty much looking for someone to wine and dine me, not much else. The other reason was that in the back of my mind I knew that I wanted my next serious relationship to be with a Jewish guy, regardless of when it happened. I had reached a point in my life where I valued the importance of marrying a Jewish man and raising a Jewish family. So I figured I’d increase my chances of potentially finding that person when the time was right if I stuck with JDate. So back to February of 2007, I did a lot of JDate “flirting” online, but usually rejected most emails I received because nobody really caught my eye. I did eventually end up going on several different dates and was actually having a good time being wined and dined. I wasn’t taking anything too seriously but I was just having a good time. Probably about month or so after being on JDate, Avi sent me an email and I actually responded which was unusual for me since I would just delete or ignore most other emails. But something caught my eye about his profile and eventually we had our first date on April 7, 2007. After that date the rest is history!
Me: Tell us about the worst first date you ever had while internet dating; any horror stories?
HA! I had several “bad” first internet dates – but come on now – who hasn’t??? Most were where the person “lied” or wasn’t truthful about their age, appearance, situation…
But, the worst would have to be the young lady that waited until the end of the date to share with me that she wasn’t Jewish. Not that it’s a huge deal, BUT, this JDate is a Jewish dating site – so if you are not Jewish – just be honest from the beginning.
Now then, this wasn’t the end of it. This was a first date, and while I was thinking something “casual”, she was very adamant about going to a private business club (that she just joined) in downtown San Diego (something like the Century Club – downtown LA). Being familiar with this club, I knew that you don’t really pay – the member just signs for it and gets billed later. Thinking this was still too lavish for a first date, reluctantly I agreed. She ends up ordering up-a-storm and then, finds a way that I, the non-member, got the bill! I couldn’t believe it! But wait, it gets better… After I pay and am about to get to leave, she somehow, convinces me to stay for a few more minutes so I can listen to her play the piano (which was in another room). Stupidly, I agree (again). While serenading me – she slips in, a few times, that she wasn’t even Jewish – but LOVES Jewish Men… AND… as I questioned her, she continued to play and sing me back the answers… AND as I was leaving (running), in a hurried pace to the elevator – she CONTINUED to serenade me, even louder… AHHHHHH!!!
Back in 2002 I went on a JDate with a really cute guy, but he sort of gave off a playerish vibe. After that first date he never called me again. Maybe it’s because I didn’t let him get his way with me and he was probably used to hooking up all the time. The worst part about it was that he ended up dating the sister of my boyfriend at the time and we ran into them at a Halloween party. Can we say AWKWARD at the very least!
Me: Now did you two like one another straight off the bat or did it take awhile for you both to realize that there was something there that needed pursuing?
HA! I liked her waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more than she liked me at the beginning… I knew very soon that I liked her and wanted to get to know her much better and start something serious with her.
She – not so much!
After about a full month of hard-court-press and full pursuit by me, (there was no way I was going to let her slip away!) she was at about the same place I was… and then, the very next date – I got to meet her parents!!! =) Yes, yes, women… move in mysterious ways!!!
Let’s make this easy, Avi liked me right away because I was totally his type (blonde and Jewish)!!! I on the other hand, wasn’t too sure about him. I thought he was very good looking and had a great personality, but I prefer guys over 5’10, Avi is 5’6, and I usually go for the shy, introvert types while Avi is outspoken and the life of the party. After a great couple of first dates, I decided to pull the “I think we should just be friends” thing. Let me tell you that Avi wasn’t afraid to pursue me one bit! He wouldn’t quit until I agreed to go on a few more dates with him, and after about a month or so of hanging out I realized this guy was pretty damn wonderful and that I probably needed someone of his character all along. By the forth month we were virtually living together and he dropped the L-word, although he claims I said it first which is completely untrue! So to sum it up, he knew I was the one from the very moment he saw me, but it took me about a month or so to jump on board, but I haven’t looked back since!!! He is my perfect compliment!!!
Me: Would you tell other internet daters to stick to their “type” or to experiment with people they might not see themselves with?
I would tell other internet daters to have a “type” – and stick to their it whenever they could – BUT:
- Make sure your “type” doesn’t have so many detailed qualities. Use broader strokes when searching for her – making sure though, to not yield your most important attributes – whatever they are.
- Also – don’t be afraid to shake it up a bit, if you are in a dating slump. You never know what you may find.
My wife did – and look what she got?! 😉
Well by judging my answer to the previous question, you might guess I’d say “experiment with people you might not see yourself with”. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that your core values should align with your significant other’s values, such as your morals, ethics, family values, etc. However, if you normally go for a “type” both physically and characteristically speaking, don’t be afraid to think outside of the box. For 26 years I thought I knew the perfect type for myself because I was usually attracted to the quiet, low-key “type”, yet those relationships never seemed to work out in the long run. Yet when I stepped outside of that box and went “against type”, I found someone who completely balanced me out, even though I would have never guessed an aggressive go getter was for me. I think finding someone who can help you grow as a person by bringing you out of your comfort zone is really important in creating true harmony. I would suggest sticking with someone who shares similar life values but broaden your search both physically and characteristically speaking, you might pleasantly be surprised!
Me: So how did you get from meeting on-line to walking down the aisle?
Wow – how did we get there??? Love, life and the pursuit of happiness!
Relationships are difficult – especially those that are worth it. When I found my wife, after a while, I realized she was it for me. No matter the difficulties, drama, whatever between us – all of a sudden, instead of thinking of ways to escape this relationship as soon as I could – I was finding ways to make the realtionship work better, stronger – and I realized that this was the first time ever for me.
At that point I knew – I loved her, truly loved her –and wanted to put a ring on her finger and make this “thing” – forever!
A lot of persistence on Avi’s part in the very beginning of our dating life, but I was hooked after about a month! We were pretty serious about each other by the fourth month and I unofficially moved in with him, but officially moved in about a year into the relationship. He proposed about a year and a half into our relationship around November 14, 2008 and we were married on April 5, 2009. He is the most genuine, caring, passionate, unconditional, loving, witty, sexy, and charismatic man I have ever known! And I never knew it was possible to be loved or to love someone as much as the way we do!