Monthly Archives: May 2010

Heidi Klum and the Bait and Switch

Heidi, Heidi, Heidi…

One of the benefits of living in a big city is the opportunity to do things you might not otherwise be able to do in Smalltown, USA.  Case in point was my girlfriend’s invitation to tonight’s festivities for pregnant women Giant Pandas.  The thing is, sometimes the benefits of these things turn out to be nothing more than a time share in New Jersey when you thought you were getting a time share in Boca.  (no offense Jersey)

Heidi Klum has come out with a new line of clothing for Pandas and tonight’s festivities were intended to be a launch of that line.  A section of Beverly Hills sidewalk came to a halt, the papparazzi were at the ready, and the tourists went into a frenzy.  There was a fuchsia carpet, a news truck from ABC, and a slew of party planners in black who seemed to do nothing except smile and greet party goers.  But where was Heidi?

I went inside the party with Kiki Wonder and my pregnant friend and thought to myself, “Huh.  Now what?”  We walked around, looked at the fried food on display (fried food for pregnant ladies?  really?), and wondered if it was too soon to ask for our gift bag.  Party planners looked at Kiki.  Kiki looked at all the Giant Pandas.  And I looked around for Heidi Klum.

30 minutes after the party started (and approximately 5 minutes after we walked in) we were out of there.  Unfortunately, it was sans gift bag.  We strode back down the fuchsia carpet, past the waiting photographers, and through the red velvet rope.  Sometimes these things just aren’t worth your time.

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Sex and the City Does Witty

First off let me warn you, use the potty beforehand because numero dos is twice the action, but also twice the length.  Measuring off at a solid 2.5 hours without previews (you don’t get previews at premieres) this baby is long.  With that said, man was it fun!  SATC must have gotten some new writers on board because the dialogue was much funnier than I remember it being last time.  The ladies are looking older, but only in a way that makes you think, “how is it possible they look that old and yet they still look better than me?”  Sarah Jessica Parker’s legs are to die for and Samantha’s body is still something to be marveled at.

Carrie Bradshaw’s closet is once again the stuff of dreams although how she totters about on those heels I’ll never know.  And in one scene on a camel no less.  Yeesh.  Seriously though, I’ve got to start wearing full-length evening gowns when I’m lying around at home watching TV with my husband.  It looks very comfortable.

Samantha’s wardrobe is avant-garde and over the top just like Samantha herself, and except for once scene where her shoulder pads might have been stolen from the Transformer movie, I loved it all.  Her character never fails to tickle me.  I don’t know anyone like her in real life, but that didn’t stop me from rocking in my seat with laughter at her scenes in Abu Dhabi.  The middle east should beware and take care.

Miranda’s wardrobe was much lighter and feminine this time around with the highest heels of them all.  Poor thing could barely walk in half of the scenes, but I assumed the new look was meant to reflect her new upbeat attitude.  My particular favorite however, was her most masculine, when they put her in an Out of Africa white suit for a day at the Abu Dhabi bazaar.  That’s the Miranda I know and love.  I couldn’t help but wonder if her deviation from strict and stringent had anything to do with her personal uncloseting.  Perhaps some idiot thought we wouldn’t love her if she was her tough as nails self and a lesbian?  I say bring back Miranda’s metro-sexual style.  Not every woman does flowy dresses and platforms.

And last, but not least is Charlotte who looked adorable as usual throughout the movie.  Once again, her clothing choices perfectly sum up her personality with modest, yet beautiful designs that scream good taste and lots of money.  I just loved the scene where she was baking in vintage somebody (YSL? Valentino?) with a cherry cupcake apron over it from Anthropologie.  This is my next endeavor after watching TV in a ball gown – bake in haute couture.

The movie is fun and light and meant to be watched with your girlfriends.  If I had to do anything differently I’d cut the painfully cliche singing scene, but other than that, I wouldn’t change a thing.  Especially not the five outfit switches per lady, per day.  That part was like extra sugar frosting on a giant chocolate cake.  Sex And The City 2:  The girls did a great job and I give it 10 baubled fingers up.

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Sex In the City Meets Pregnant In the City

Tonight, thanks to the largess of my friend who works for the blah-blah-blah with a license to blah, I am off to a premiere of Sex In The City 2.  Per usual, I’ll be dragging along my girlfriend who’s pregnant.  She needs to get out and I don’t care how much she complains about looking like a Giant Panda, what’s sex in the city without a little pregnancy in the city?

Strangely, pregnant in the city must be catching on as my pregnant friend is dragging me to an event tomorrow night just for pregnant women.  Oh how she loves the exclusivity of partying with round people and round people only.  On the down side, the host of the party is one Heidi Klum, also known as Heidi “the body” Klum.  Perhaps you’ve heard of her legs?  We can only hope that’s she’s wearing something very unflattering with thick, rubber-soled shoes that were stolen from a nursing ward.  Otherwise, Heidi in a room full of Giant Pandas is just plain old mean.

I’ll report in tomorrow with my critique of the movie, but come on folks, how many of us are going for the storyline?  We just want to drool over the fashion.  This franchise is like pornography for women.  That’s why it’s really called Sex In the City…those high-priced ticket items are pure foreplay.

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Top Five Monday Morning Thoughts

Number One:  Brittany Murphy’s husband is dead, Brittany Murphy is dead.  Why do I have the feeling like this is all about him?  Something about that guy just seems fishy-fishy-fishy.  And that’s all I’m going to write about that.

Number Two:  Parisian police are dismayed at the huge cocktail parties (10,000 guests) that are taking place across the city thanks to Facebook.  People are getting trashed and falling into harm’s way.  Does this happen in the US?  I’ve never heard of a Facebook party, but maybe that’s just because I can’t stand Facebook.  Who are these people who have so much time on their hands?

  • 10:53am Sara is excited about eating her cereal
  • 12:01pm Sara just saw a monkey
  • 4:17pm Sara can’t wait to get out of work

Spare me please!  Now I that I know it’s such a big deal in Paris I’m even more dismayed.  Paris, you’re supposed to be the epitome of good taste and refinement.  Facebook parties?  Really?

Number Three:  Okay so Jesse James had an affair.  Did he cure cancer?  Did he save 500 orphans from a burning building?  I didn’t think so.  Next!

Number Four:  The stock market is taking a nose dive thanks to the European market.  Why is all I want to know.  Can’t all those scaredy-cats who are selling just take a valium and relax?  The rest of us are rooting for a strong American economy and are doing our best to buy American and support our country.  Here’s a novel idea, stop fiddling with your stocks and the market won’t keep yo-yoing.  Ta-dah.  Then we’ll all be happy.

And Number Five:  British doctor, Andrew Wakefield has been banned from practicing medicine in the UK thanks to his publications on the vaccination – autism connection.  Wakefield, who now practices in Texas, has raised questions worldwide about whether or not parents should vaccinate their children…and as a result, medicine has seen a raise in measles in mumps for children who are not getting vaccinated.  I’m not sure what I think about this, but since my friend is having her baby soon, I’m delving in.  My biggest question is, did the pharmaceutical companies mess with the recipe?  I’m just not sure I understand why these vaccinations were safe for my generation and the generation that followed me, but now all of  a sudden they’re not safe?  Did big medicine make the strain stronger?  Did they try a new ingredient?  What’s different now then it was before?

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I Heard It Through the Grape Vine

Last night I was at a party/fund raising event/tribute dinner where I heard the most interesting story.  In between bites of ravioli and chocolate cake and  in between donations of a million here and a two million there (recession?  what recession?), there was live music.  One of the songs played was I Heard It Through the Grapevine, first made popular in 1966 by Smokey Robinson.  The woman next to me smiled and leaned in.

“I have a funny story about this song.”  She said and so I raised my eyebrows encouraginly.  “My husband and I were driving to Yosemite when the Credence Clearwater Revival version of this song came on.  We didn’t get many radio stations by that point of the trip so we listened.  It’s a pretty good version.”  She paused.  “Afterward, the song came on again.”

“The exact same one or a different version?”  I asked.

“Same exact song, same exact version.  And when that was done, it came on again.”

“Something was wrong at the radio station.”  I guessed.  “The CD player got stuck.”

“Nope, I don’t think so.”  She smiled.  “That song play for at least an hour and a half before we lost connection in the mountains.  The DJ probably played it his entire shift.  It was amazing.  We couldn’t change the channel.  It was one of those things – you just had to know if he was going to play it again.  We heard it at least 30 times.”

“Oh my god.  Any idea what was going on?”

“Well, somebody found out something and wanted the world to know.  Somebody was not happy with his lady.”

She went on to tell me that she’d heard of this happening on one other occasion in Chicago when the baseball league went on strike.  A DJ played Take Me Out To the Ballgame over and over for his entire shift. Point made, delivered, and slam dunked.

I’d love to have this kind of power; to be able to express myself so loudly and unambiguously.  You break my heart, I play songs about a low, down dirty snake.  You start a war, I play protest anthems.  I win the lottery and listeners get happy-happy all day long.  Why didn’t I think of this years ago?  I’ve clearly missed my calling.

Credence Clearwater Revival’s I Heard It Through the Grape Vine Lyrics

Ooh, I bet you’re wondering how I knew
About you’re plans to make me blue
With some other guy that you knew before.
Between the two of us guys, you know I love you more.
It took me by surprise I must say,
When I found out yesterday.  ooh.

I heard it through the grapevine
Not much longer would you be mine.
Oh I heard it through the grapevine,
Oh and I’m just about to lose my mind.
Honey, honey yeah.

I know that a man ain’t supposed to cry,
But these tears I can’t hold inside.
Losin’ you would end my life you see,
Cause you mean that much to me.
You could have told me yourself
That you love someone else instead…

I heard it through the grapevine
Not much longer would you be mine.
Oh I heard it through the grapevine,
Oh and I’m just about to lose my mind.
Honey, honey yeah.

People say believe half of what you see,
Son, and none of what you hear.
I can’t help bein’ confused
If it’s true please tell me dear?
Do you plan to let me go
For the other guy you loved before?

Ooh, I heard it through the grapevine
Not much longer would you be mine.
Oh I heard it through the grapevine,
Oh and I’m just about to lose my mind.

Ooh, I heard it through the grapevine
Not much longer would you be mine.
Oh I heard it through the grapevine,
Oh and I’m just about to lose my mind, honey, honey.

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Faking Your Way In the World Today Takes Everything You’ve Got

This lesson was learned the hard way by 23 yeard old Adam Wheeler of Delaware who was recently busted for faking his way into Harvard.  Wheeler got caught trying to win two prestigious scholarships (Rhodes and Fulbright) while also doctoring up transfer applications into Yale and Brown.  Wheeler, who already had about 45k in financial aid from Harvard, was found out by a professor who recognized the writing style on one of his applications.  Unfortunately it wasn’t Wheeler’s writing style, but a fellow Harvard professor’s.  Wheeler’s being charged with 20 different offenses and is up today for his first appearance in court.

But you know how it goes…no matter what kind of slap on the wrist he gets, our society rewards this sort of devious behavior.  First will come the book deal, How I Cheated My Way Into Harvard, then the miniseries, and then the cushy job at Goldman Sachs where he’ll learn how to really put his ingenuity to good use.  Mark my words, Adam Wheeler will make out like a bandit from this.

And speaking of bandits, have you ever really listened to the words of Wheeler’s theme song?  Pretty interesting stuff… the spelling here is atrocious, but the words are all exactly as they appeared on television.  How did I never catch this before?  Someone out there has a great sense of humor.

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Roger Federer Swings and…

…Misses?  In match point in yesterday’s Madrid Open against hottie pants, Rafael Nadal, Federer (arguably the best tennis player in the world) took a swing and completely missed the ball.  How?  That just doesn’t occur, not at his level.  So what in the heck happened?  Did a bird poo in his eye?  Is he playing with blurred vision?  Did someone tell him to miss or he’d sleep with the fishes?  I just don’t get it.

Watch for yourself.  It’s absolutely unbelievable.  I’ve seen this clip about a dozen times and I still can’t wrap my head around it.  Whiff.

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