American Idol wrapped up last night and just in case you were in a cave, knitting by starlight; Tiny Cute Guitar Guy, otherwise known as Kris Allen, won the title of America’s Idol. You can see him there in the photograph; he’s the tiny, cute guy on the right. That’s his competitor, Adam Lambert on the left and the strangely orange, Paula Abdul in the middle.
Let’s recap, shall we? The show, which lasted about 2 hours, was a huge commitment and reason #1 why I’ll never watch American Idol again. Who has that kind of free time? There were some great performances by Keith Urban (with Tiny Cute Guitar Guy who forthwith be called only ‘the Idol’), Lionel Ritchie (with Danny Midwest), and Cindy Lauper (with red-haired girl). The Black Eyed Peas played and while I think Fergie has a great voice, she reminds me of a hooker I once knew in San Francisco…in the Tenderloin…who wasn’t a woman. More on that later. Adam Lambert did an amazing tour de force with Kiss (yes, the band Kiss) and pretty much blew the show out of the water. And then he and the Idol did an ironic ‘We Are the Champions’ minus Freddie Mercury, but with that other guy, and once again, Adam stole the stage.
Which brings us to the point where the end of the show was a let down and well, downright anticlimactic. “We Are the Champions” pretty summed it up because when the Idol won, he kind of didn’t. We are the champions, not I. And that is reason #2 why I’ll never watch this show again. I got so emotionally invested in these people that by the end, all I could think about was how gracefully Adam was taking his defeat. The Idol on the other hand (who did deserve his win, don’t get me wrong- he’s good too), was at a complete loss for words and genuinely shocked by his popularity. At one point he even said that Adam should have won and his humbleness reminded me of why he’s so cute. There’s no prima donna in Kris Allen, he’s a lovable kid. Kid? Man? He’s 23, so whatever you are at 23.
Oh, and by the way, Kara DioGuardi (the other female judge besides Paula) has an amazing body. And she can sing.
If I were that girl who prances around in her bikini, I would’ve been very embarrassed. In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, just picture an orange, faux-breasted 20-something (who can’t sing) getting upstaged by…actually, I think a picture might describe it better.