Monthly Archives: May 2009

New Moon = New Craze = Midnight Sun Is Coming

Teenagers (and okay, let’s admit it, adults too) are already getting reared up for the release of Stephanie Meyer’s New Moon adaptation.  The Internet is filled with photos, blogs, interviews, and articles about who’s doing what and (ahem) whom.

Example of Evidence #1:  

But let’s not forget that there’s a whole other series out there, just waiting to be written.  Midnight Sun, the tale of Edward’s experience, was first leaked to the press about a year ago.  Fans everywhere got excited and then disappointed when the project was put on hold.  Word on the street was that S. Meyer had said she couldn’t do it because too much had been posted on the Internet.  I never looked for the chapters, but evidently they were out there in www-land.  Stephanie Meyer addresses theft of Midnight Sun

And then I did look and I found the first chapter…are you ready?  Are you sure??  Okay, here it is…

Midnight Sun – Chapter One

I haven’t even read it yet myself, so feel free to let me know what you think.

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Pimples? At My Age?

I thought that getting out of high school would mean a face as clear as ivory snow.  A face that looked like creamy, buttermilk perfection…but I was wrong.  And then college came and I was sure that ending my matriculation would mean ending my problems with blemishes…again, wrong.  Perhaps it took the ripe of age of 25 for my face to grow out of its proclivity for nasty splotches.  But my face didn’t get the memo so I moved the age to 30.  30 was positively ancient.  By 30 I would definitely never get another pimple again.  And then I woke up with two today.  Not one, two.  And 30 passed me by eons ago.

Looking at my face in the bright glow of my bathroom mirror I grimaced.  On the left was a tiny shiner that hurt like hell.  If felt as if somebody was stabbing me above the eye with a sharp needle.  How could something so small hurt so gosh-darn much?  On the right side of my face was a gigantic welt that looked like a hive from a bee sting.  I mean it was huge.  When I turned my head to the profile it stuck out like a topography map.  I had my own little Mt. Pimpluvious.  I could put a flag on it and claim it for the French.

Looking back and forth between the two felt like watching a tennis match.  And then I noticed off to the distance in the right another one.  I had missed it at first because of the sheer size of Mt. Pimpluvious, but now I could see it quite clearly.  I had a trifecta on my hands.  A connect-the-dots of ugly splotches.  A nightmare, in other words.

I don’t know about you guys out there who are reading this right now, but pimples?  At my age?  I’m raising the bar to 35 and having a serious talk with my face.  If my face can’t figure it out by then…I give up.

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Vampires, Gays, and Other Things That Go Bump In the Night

Well, the Supreme Court of California ruled (for those of you who were deep-sea diving yesterday and missed the outcome) that the 18,000 gay marriages that happened prior to Prop 8 are legal and binding, but that marriage for the gays is a no-no.  I personally, don’t see the point in being afraid of two people who love each other getting married just because they have the same bits and parts.  But some feel that it’ll send the wrong message to children.  So I’d like to take a look right now at what we tell our children just to make sure I’m not missing anything:

What is good and healthy to tell our children:

  1. A fat man in a bright red, Liberace suit sneaks into people’s houses and eats their cookies in exchange for presents under a tree.  A tree that we’ve cut down in the prime of life to look at for a few weeks and then throw away.
  2. A creature called a fairy sneaks into our bedrooms at night to pay money for a body part, but only if we hide it under under the pillow.  $.25 for a tooth, $1000 for a kidney.
  3. A small, green man (another fairy actually) known as a Leprechaun causes mischief and hordes treasure.  Who knew it was so cute to be greedy!

What’s bad and confusing to tell our children:

  1. Love looks like different things for different people, but no matter what it looks like, it’s special and good.

In other news, I saw Fleetwood Mac play in concert on Saturday night and wow did they rock out.  Most interesting however, was the realization that Stevie Nicks is a vampire.  How did I miss this before?  Not only that, but it was clear that she had gotten to the back-up singers.  Pale and thin, they did their best to sway along to the music, but it was obvious they all needed a quart or two of blood.  Stevie, on the hand, looked like the vampire queen herself; 7 outfit changes (all deep red or black), lots of web-like shawls, and a face that seemed frozen in time.  steviestevie2Stevie_NicksstevienicksThe rest of the band may or may not have been vampires, I couldn’t tell.  I do know that for a bunch of old men, they played and sang and danced and jammed like men thirty years their junior.  I couldn’t keep up; by 11pm, I was ready for bed.  Fleetwood Mac, who had been performing since 8pm with no breaks, was still kicking it when I crawled into my car.  So maybe they are all vampires.  or maybe Stevie just shared some of her immortal blood for the night.  Either way, if you get a chance to see them live, it’s a good show.

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Change Is Here. Or Not-So-Much?

Today is the big day.  G day.  The day that the California Supreme Court will announce their decision regarding gay marriage.  Stay tuned!

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Viewer Discretion Is Advised

I know a lot of teenagers who love to avoid studying.  In an attempt to do so, Hulu is a big favorite; I had no idea how much time your average 16 year-old could waste by watching clips on Hulu.  So without further ado, here are a selection of videos that have been shared with me recently.  Teenagers are really funny and their sense of humor kills me, but please note, most of these clips are naughty so those of you who get offended easily, DO NOT WATCH.

1.  Jizz in My Pants on Hulu: Jizz In My Pants and below on YouTube

2.  I couldn’t find Mother Lover on YouTube, so here’s the link to watch it on Hulu: Mother Lover

3. Iran So Far on Hulu: Iran So Far

Happy Friday.

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Why I’ll Never Watch It Again

American Idol wrapped up last night and just in case you were in a cave, knitting by starlight; Tiny Cute Guitar Guy, otherwise known as Kris Allen, won the title of America’s Idol.  You can see him there in the photograph; he’s the tiny, cute guy on the right.  am id finThat’s his competitor, Adam Lambert on the left and the strangely orange, Paula Abdul in the middle.

Let’s recap, shall we?  The show, which lasted about 2 hours, was a huge commitment and reason #1 why I’ll never watch American Idol again.  Who has that kind of free time?  There were some great performances by Keith Urban (with Tiny Cute Guitar Guy who forthwith be called only ‘the Idol’), Lionel Ritchie (with Danny Midwest), and Cindy Lauper (with red-haired girl).  The Black Eyed Peas played and while I think Fergie has a great voice, she reminds me of a hooker I once knew in San Francisco…in the Tenderloin…who wasn’t a woman.  More on that later.  Adam Lambert did an amazing tour de force with Kiss (yes, the band Kiss) and pretty much blew the show out of the water.  And then he and the Idol did an ironic ‘We Are the Champions’ minus Freddie Mercury, but with that other guy, and once again, Adam stole the stage.

Which brings us to the point where the end of the show was a let down and well, downright anticlimactic.  “We Are the Champions” pretty summed it up because when the Idol won, he kind of didn’t.  We are the champions, not I.  And that is reason #2 why I’ll never watch this show again.  I got so emotionally invested in these people that by the end, all I could think about was how gracefully Adam was taking his defeat.  The Idol on the other hand (who did deserve his win, don’t get me wrong- he’s good too), was at a complete loss for words and genuinely shocked by his popularity.  At one point he even said that Adam should have won and his humbleness reminded me of why he’s so cute.  There’s no prima donna in Kris Allen, he’s a lovable kid.  Kid? Man?  He’s 23, so whatever you are at 23.

Oh, and by the way, Kara DioGuardi (the other female judge besides Paula) has an amazing body.  And she can sing.

am id 2

If I were that girl who prances around in her bikini, I would’ve been very embarrassed.  In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, just picture an orange, faux-breasted 20-something (who can’tam id 1 sing) getting upstaged by…actually, I think a picture might describe it better.

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The Gnews (Or Not So Much)

The good news today reads as follows:

  1. Hollywood is making a remake of Footloose, the Kevin Bacon movie I talked about only weeks ago.  First of all, I’m so tired ochance_crawford_101507_02-thumbf the remakes.  Second of all, I don’t care if it is Chance Crawford who’s going to sing and dance the lead, Kevin Bacon will always be my Footloose and Fancy Free hero.
  2. And in Ohio, things are heating up.  53 year-old Randall Turner was tired of the city mowing the edges of his property in Circleville, and took matters into his own hands.  The next time the operator came out, Turner whipped out his handgun and fired shots at the tractor in an attempt to kill the beast.  Unfortunately, the tractor, a machine made of metal, was undamaged by Turner’s outburst.  The operator however, was hit in the head.
  3. 24-year-old Jason Detora made the gnews this week when he decided to get down and dirty in a police restroom.  Detora and his girlfriend were waiting at the Gloucester Township station (New Jersey) with DUI charges when Detora went into the bathroom and had some private time on the floor.  Afterwards he took his private time (ie: feces) and smeared it all over the walls and floor.  And when that wasn’t enough, he set fire to the TP and papertowels.  I don’t care how drunk you are, that’s just plain old nasty.
  4. If you’re thinking about skipping out on jury duty any time soon, don’t.  A 25 year-old man in Hillsboro, Orgegan couldn’t take it any more and left the court house to go home.  The judge issued a warrant for his arrest and the poor man is now being charged with contempt of court.  When police picked him up at home and asked why he left jury duty, the man explained that he was bored.
  5. In American Idol last night it was the battle of the boys with screaming Adam Lambert against Tiny Cute Guitar Guy.American Idol Both did well, but I predict a win for Adam Lambert.  Tiny Cute Guitar Guy just didn’t seem to sparkle the way Adam did.  He’s good, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a singing competition and that Adam guy can really sing.  Although, if the popularity vote is what does it, then Tiny Cute Guitar Guy may pull it off on his Tiny Cute looks alone.  You’ll notice that his wife doesn’t get brought up anymore.  I didn’t vote, but my money’s on Adam.  We’ll see tonight.

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