Dear Stalkers

Dear Stalkers,

This page is for you.  I’m not thin enough or tall enough to look like Heidi Klum – so go away.  I’m not talented enough or famous enough to remind you of Madonna – so go away.  I don’t have bags of money hidden under my bed and I don’t appreciate strangers watching me as I shower – so go away.  My favorite color is not fresh blood on the door and I don’t like stabbed cockroaches for breakfast.  Also, I’m an avid reader, but any letters I get made from letters cut out of a magazine like they do in ransom notes – they’re going straight into the trash.

Don’t make me hire a bodyguard.  Don’t make me buy a gun.  If you can obey these rules as I’ve stated them, then we’ll get along just fine.  Oh, and no stealing stuff out of my garbage cans.  If I threw it away it wasn’t because deep-down I wanted you to fish it out and smell it…just leave it alone.

Yours Warmly, Sara Morris

8 responses to “Dear Stalkers

  1. Katie Sclavounos (DiEgidio)

    Sara,
    Browsing your blog and wishing I could hop on a plane and escape to be with you. You are so fresh. You don’t seem like you have changed at all since H.S.
    Best of luck and I am looking into your novels…
    Katie

  2. Paul

    I feel so badly for you that your only stalker is some girl you knew in High School. If I wasn’t so busy being happily married, raising a child and another on the way I would stalk you myself. Perhaps our next family vacation can be a family stalk Sara Morris trip? While you may not be for everyone, there must be one single guy out there that enjoys an insanely deep woman with an unhealthy infatuation for her dog. Just the hip hop video alone should have brought you at least one stalker. I am a latecomer to you blog and I am apperently your biggest and only fan. While I can’t classify myself as a stalker, I will do my best to make you feel desired. Keep up the good work and keep the hip hop videos coming.
    You are one special kind of lunatic. All the best,
    your number one fan..

  3. I am not a fan or a stalker. I am just curious. I came upon your blog by mistake, researching a rather obscure character (Victor Vargas) that has made millions (could be billions) sucking up and financing the nouveau age dictatorship in Venezuela (already in power 12 years and counting). In fact I was surprised by how well structured and researched your article was -considering the distance (in miles and culture). Cheers, have to run.

  4. As registered thoroughbred racehorse breeders, we often look for names for our new foals. We were on the e-net today looking for a potential name for one of our foals, which is expected tonight. The mares name is Corn Syrup and your webpage is linked to a the word “Corn Syrup”. Perhaps you may have a fantastic name for a racehorse?

  5. 😐 😀 🙂 😦 😛 😉 🙂 😦 my faces plz dont delete

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