This page is for you. I’m not thin enough or tall enough to look like Heidi Klum – so go away. I’m not talented enough or famous enough to remind you of Madonna – so go away. I don’t have bags of money hidden under my bed and I don’t appreciate strangers watching me as I shower – so go away. My favorite color is not fresh blood on the door and I don’t like stabbed cockroaches for breakfast. Also, I’m an avid reader, but any letters I get made from letters cut out of a magazine like they do in ransom notes – they’re going straight into the trash.
Don’t make me hire a bodyguard. Don’t make me buy a gun. If you can obey these rules as I’ve stated them, then we’ll get along just fine. Oh, and no stealing stuff out of my garbage cans. If I threw it away it wasn’t because deep-down I wanted you to fish it out and smell it…just leave it alone.
Yours Warmly, Sara Morris