While some people in Los Angeles have spent their day getting buffed, painted, and polished for the Golden Globes, I’ve spent the day cleaning and organizing…the garage. It’s a sexy job and it was a hard decision to make: get a massage, have people wait on me hand and foot, and put on a dress that makes me feel like a fairy princess OR haul rusty paint cans to the sidewalk, sort through bags of hardware, and walk through one seemingly giant network of cobwebs. My choice was made up for me when the invite for the Golden Globes got lost in the mail.
Strangely, it seems as if half of Hollywood has no idea what looks good on them. (yes, my claws are out) Here however, are the winners:
- Selma Hayek (awesome cleavage)
- Michelle Pfeiffer (win. win. win)
- Jessica Chastain (interesting and unique)
- Sofia Vergara (perfect)
- Kate Beckinsale (sweet, simple, gorgeous)
- Reese Witherspoon (risky, but I liked it)
- Emma Stone (interesting and provocative)
- Helen Mirren (finally, someone who gets how to dress her age)
- Diane Lane (so glamorous)
- Octavia Spencer (now that is how a curvaceous woman should dress)
And here are the LOO-sers:
- Jessica Lange (yikes)
- Missi Pyle (oh honey – where do I start)
- Tine Fey (no more mermaid strapless dresses please)
- Charlize Theron (weird and weird)
- the Mission Impossible chick in yellow (enough said)
- Zooey Deschanel (it was like a 50’s Hairspray commercial gone aspray)
- Maya Rudolph (boo-ring)
- Angelina Jolie (eat something would you?)
- Natalie Portman (is that baby fat on your hip or…?)
- Julianne Moore (great earrings – dull dress)
- Madonna (ouch. poor boobies)
- Freida Pinto (strange armpit fat going on)
- Melissa McCarthy (drab green? really?)
And then there’s Jessica Biel who I wanted to put in the best-dressed list because she looked fantastic except…what was up with that third boob? And that’s all I saw so that’s all I can comment on. The rest were just eh, you know, fine.
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