Skinny Bitches

If you’ve ever seen the movie, Fried Green Tomatoes then you’ll know what I’m talking about.  Kathy Bates, an unhappy housewife, waits patiently for a parking spot in a crowded lot only to have it stolen right out in front of her by two twenty-something girls in a red Volkswagen.

Kathy Bates:  Excuse me. I was waiting for that space.
Skinny Bitch in the car:  Yeah? Tough!
Skinny Bitch #2 (also in the car):  Face it, lady, we’re younger and faster.
Kathy Bates:  Towanda!!! (she screams and then smashes into the Skinny Bitch’s car…6 times)
Skinny Bitch #2:  What are you doing? Are you crazy?
Kathy Bates:  Face it, girls. I’m older and I have more insurance.

Last night at hip hop class, that was me.  There were these two twenty-something girls who I just wanted to smash with my car.  Now I’m sure these two women are sweet as sweet can be, but as they danced around in their skintight aerobic wear with full makeup on, and perfectly flat ironed hair, I could barely stand it.  What happened to throwing on a pair of sweatpants and hitting the gym running?  Now women are prancing about like it’s cocktail hour?  Meanwhile the rest of us sweat like lumberjacks in our husband’s undershirts, our hair plastered to our ruddy red faces.  In my book, that’s how a workout is supposed to be.

The two young women giggled and flirted and bopped about the class.  Even when I was twenty, I don’t think I was like that.  And it’s not the skinny part that got me, because I’ve got a friend who is an athletic-wear model and she doesn’t annoy me at all.  She’s drop dead gorgeous with a stomach you could bounce a quarter off of…no, it was something else.  Something intangible that makes some people skinny bitches and some people just skinny.  Something that made the clawed beast inside me flex her muscles and snort fire.

So here’s a note to all you young ladies out there who are rubbing shoulders with women who don’t wear makeup to the gym, don’t avoid chocolate, and don’t have time to coordinate our Lululemon athletic wear.  Watch out for the tired-looking lady with her hair held up by chopsticks.  She bites.

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