Yesterday evening I was out walking my dog when I saw a man in a black Mercedes driving past me. I noticed him in particular because I could tell by his driving that he was distracted. Upon closer inspection I saw that he was looking at himself in the rear-view mirror and shaving. Yes, shaving. Driving while shaving, that’s a new one for me.
In my years on this place called Earth I’ve seen people do a lot of strange things while driving. Heck, I’ve done a few of them myself. Somehow we all think our cars are like invisible bubbles and while we can see out, no one can see in. Truth? Just because we’re alone in the car doesn’t mean we’re alone. Stop picking your nose, guy in front of me! I can see you.
My own mother used to apply her mascara on the way to work when I was a child. I have another friend whose name I won’t mention, who likes to pluck her chin hairs because (and I quote) “the light is better.” The light might be better, but boy is that gross to watch. Someone else I know uses his vanity mirror to investigate and squeeze pimples. Another major gross out. Years ago I had a bad habit of reading while in the car. Thank goodness someone turned me onto books on tape. After college I had a girlfriend who was shocked to see a man wangling and dangling in his car. People change their clothes while driving, eat while driving, and do their nails while driving. Some folks even do naughty bedroom activities to one another while driving. Talking on the phone by this point seems anticlimactic. Who cares about breaking the law with a few cell phone minutes when compared to the guy I saw smoking a bowl at Santa Monica and Doheny? Doing drugs while driving – now’s there’s a great idea.
The point is, if it can be thought of, someone has probably done it while driving. Now don’t you feel safer already?
Stories I Found On the Internet About What People Have Seen While Driving
- man playing a trumpet while driving
- person wearing a pumpkin on his/her head while driving (viewer couldn’t tell sex of pumpkin head)
- woman washing inside of window with Windex while driving
- man working on his laptop while driving
- woman painting her toenails out the window while driving
- man driving his car from the passenger seat
- man had an easel set up in the passenger seat and was painting while driving
- woman who was knitting while driving
- minivan with a kiddie’s swimming pool on the roof and a kid in it – driver had one arm out of window holding onto it (and yes, the van was moving)
- woman driving in the nude
- man looking through binoculars while driving
- woman curling her hair with a curling iron while driving
- woman nursing baby while driving
- woman changing a diaper while driving
- man brushing his teeth while driving
- man shaving his head while driving
- woman clipping coupons while driving
- man leaning out window to look at his rear tire while driving
- man putting eye drops in while driving
- man playing guitar while driving
- woman doing crossword puzzle while driving
(courtesy of 'Unbelievable Tales of Distracted Driving')