Yesterday I began the first in a two-part series about finding love online (Internet Dating = Finding Love?). The couple, Avi and Margarita, continue to answer my questions today. Is online dating worth our time? In today’s busy times, is this a good way to meet “the One?” Tomorrow I’ll sit down to discuss what this relationship means for the rest of us out there trying to find our soul mates.
In the meantime, Avi and Margarita had some very interesting things to say about their experiences and feelings towards online dating…
Me: What’s the most common response that you hear when people find out that you met via on-line dating?
People are excited, and it’s not as shocking as it once was. In fact, they make it a point to mention their friend, or so & so that they know that also found their husband / wife through the internet…
There’s still a stigma associated with online dating, but for the most part a lot of people have tried it by now. I often tell people it’s a lot better than meeting someone at a bar, restaurant, coffee shop, or blind date. It’s a gamble regardless, so at least you’re in control when you are the one choosing online. People lie about who they are regardless of where you meet or how you’re introduced. But at least the online dating helps weed people out quicker. You can narrow down your search based on religious, political, social, physical similarities if you so choose to. The world is at your fingertips online because you can search for somebody from any part of the country or world from the comfort of your own home. For those holding down full-time jobs, we don’t have the opportunity to go out every single night or weekend and meet people. Online dating is really a convenient tool for the active, busy young (or older adult) to find somebody you might never have otherwise had the opportunity to meet.
Me: Does that mean you’ve heard of other couples like you two or do you think finding love on-line is rare?
Personally – I know more and more people / friends, these days, who met their significant other on-line.
Yes, it seems as though many people these days have met their significant other online. Maybe it was rare at one time, but it’s not too uncommon these days. I know of co-workers who met her spouses on JDate and I have friends of friends who met their spouses on other dating websites. We even got to meet other JDate “success stories” just like ours and the couples ranged in age from early 20’s to 80’s and everything in between!
Me: For all those men and women out there looking for love on J. Date, Match or eHarmony, what advice do you have for staying hopeful and not getting burnt-out on dead-end first dates?
What worked for me is that I always, if in a rut, tried other dating methods, but ALWAYS, came back.
Change it up a bit…
At first, online-dating is like a game… ooooo, who’s looked at my profile, who winked at me, teased me, emailed me, who’s online… yada, yada, yada, but after a while – it gets old – especially if you’ve had a bunch of bad dates. Take a little break, and come back after a little while – whatever it is.
What you’ll definitely find is a bunch of new faces!!!
Just remember dating in general is a hit or miss. Doesn’t matter how you meet the person, it’s about being at the right place at the right time, both figuratively and literally. It’s a combination of timing, luck, and fate. Have fun with Mr. or Miss wrong until the right one does come along. If you get tired of meeting the wrong ones online, take a break, try the coffee shop or blind date thing, and if that doesn’t work, give online dating a try again. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, just keep an open mind and you will attract the right person when it’s your time.
Me: So in your opinion, is one website better than another for people who are serious about finding love?
For me it was easy. When I finally grew up and listened to my Jewish mother and sister, and realized I wanted to date someone Jewish – JDate was the site for me.
I’ve heard success through Match as well as eHarmony. If you are not particular about a specific attribute (and there are online dating sites for almost ANY ATTRIBUTE…) try which ever, and if one is not working, maybe another will.
It all depends on what you are looking for. When I joined JDate at 26, I knew I wanted to eventually marry a Jewish man. So I sought out a Jewish website that would make it possible for me to date exclusively Jewish men. When I was younger I didn’t have the same priorities so JDate wouldn’t have been as necessary. So if it’s important for a person to find someone of a specific cultural, religious, or of similar interests, and then of course seek out a site that caters to those interests. I highly recommend JDate for anyone having a hard time finding other Jewish people in everyday life since there aren’t too many of us out there.
Me: And last, but not least, what advice do you have for all of the readers out there who want so badly to fall in love, but just can’t seem to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right?
Have patience. Me, personally, I am not patient at all. Well, only with some things… 😉
But, when it came to finding my wife, I took my time, didn’t settle, and when I knew – I knew, and didn’t let her go! No way!
When you find the one, throw your pride, caution, everything – out! And go after them!!!
She or he are out there! Believe it. No matter age, height, weight, sex, religious or political affiliation – whatever – when you least expect it – you’ll find them!
Don’t force it, don’t try too hard, and don’t obsess over it. Finding the right one is a matter of timing and luck, sometimes it happens young, sometimes it happens old, sometimes it doesn’t happen. So if you just live your life to the fullest and surround yourself with good people, eventually you will attract somebody that peaks your interest. Don’t settle, don’t compare yourself to others, just be yourself and let things happen naturally. I’m not saying you should just sit back and hope love falls into your lap. Of course you should be proactive and join online dating sites, ask friends to set you upon dates, and participate in activities where you might find someone who shares similar interests. Just don’t look too hard or you might miss him or her, just like you overlook your missing car keys that were right under your nose the whole time! Take a deep breath and just relax, then everything seems to eventually come together!