I’m With Stupid

The polls of worst malaprops are in and topping the list of stupid is none other than our very own G.W. Bush.

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

Sweet, George.  Following Bush is Ah-nold, the man who went from pumping it up to messing it up.  Governor Schwarzenegger ranked number two for saying something so ridiculous, he should’ve zipped thee lip forever right there and then.

“I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.”

Someone needs to explain the birds and the bees of gayness to Arnold.  He might even learn that that ‘wrestling match’ back in Austria was really a whole lotta gay.  Number three on the list is yet another American leader, ex-Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld.  I’m pretty sure this must be a riddle or a code to some secret spy, because otherwise this White House veteran sounds like a blubbering idiot.

“Reports that say that something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns: the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

Uh…yeah.  And the crow calls blue on Tuedsay <wink-wink>.   The next two winners (or losers) are both TV commentators whom I’ve never heard of.

Murray Walker:  “The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.” and John Motson:  “For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are playing in yellow.”

Hah!  I would totally say something like that.  Next, finally is someone from the other side of the pond, PM Gordon Brown.  Unfortunately, even in England 0% is not an increase.

“Total spending will continue to rise and it will be a zero percent rise in 2013-14.”

Something must’ve gotten lost in the translation.  Billy Clinton in the famous ‘I didn’t have sex with her’ trial hits the chart for number seven.  He and Donald Rumsfeld should start a game show called Guess What I’m Really Saying.

“It depends upon what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is. If ‘is’ means ‘is and never has been’ that’s one thing — if it means ‘there is none’, that was a completely true statement.”

Read it again.  It sounds even better the second time around.  Number 8 is not that bad if you ask me, but I’m no rocket scientist.  I did a websearch to see who this person is, but couldn’t find the goods.  I’m guessing he/she is a news person; perhaps doing  story on fishermen?

Cantona: “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.”

More like a ‘duh’ really than anything else.  Bush wins another spot on the list with this little ditty from back in 2001.

“I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right.”

Jeez Louis.  And last, but not least is British mayor, Boris Johnson.  This kinda reminds me of irregardless (which for some reason really bugs me when I hear people use it) or my own constant mistake of switching ‘I couldn’t care less’ with ‘I couldn’t care more.’

“I could not fail to disagree with you less.”

So the moral of the story is, say whatever you want, however you want to say it.  With people like George Bush and Arnold Schwarzenegger out there, you’ll look like a genius no matter how dumb you go.

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1 Comment

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One response to “I’m With Stupid

  1. AB

    Re: #8, Cantona is Eric Cantona, a Frenchman who was the best soccer player of his day (and the subject of Ken Loach’s recent film, “Looking for Eric”). The quote is a full, unabridged transcription of a press conference he gave the day he came back from a six-month ban for karate-kicking an opposing fan. Classic.

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