In Taipei, a man sat down on his toilet only to jump up screaming a minute later when…a snake in the bowl bit his private parts. Yes. A rat snake. In the potty. Bit his jiggly bits. This is why you should always look twice. My mom tells a story about a snake that crawled through a drain into an old clawed-foot bathtub at my grandparents’ house, 2nd story no less. She ran out of the room shouting like a banshee. Snakes like pipes, so now you know.
Which do you think is true? Story #1: A woman in Florida loved her mom so much, she kept the dead body in a back bedroom for 6 years. or Story #2: Penelope Jordan kept her mom’s decomposing body in a spare room so she could collect on her pension plan. If you picked story#2, you’d be right. $200,000 right. After 6 years of a melting body in hot, humid Florida, you’d think somebody would notice the smell. But nope, authorities only found the corpse after neighbors called to complain about a cat problem. Gross.
In Pennsylvania, old people are coming up with new, cutthroat ways to pay for their heart medicines. 65 year-old Elain Volkert and her partner in crime, 70 year-old Elizabeth Grube started dealing heroin to the sweet tune of $10,000 a week. It makes sense why they’d do so well. Who would you rather buy your drugs off of: a scary drug lord, a doped-out junkie, or two senior citizens in a Buick with matching hair-helmets? I’d pick the old ladies any day of the week.
I won’t be writing in tomorrow so have great weekend and I’ll see you all on Monday, bright and early. Here’s a Hank update for your viewing pleasure: 3 1/3 months old this week and growing. The first two shots were taken on 4/11/09 when he was almost 2 1/2 months old. The second two were taken this morning on the fly. 4 pounds a week, baby!