Say It Ain’t So

In Taipei, a man sat down on his toilet only to jump up screaming a minute later when…a snake in the bowl bit his private parts.  Yes.  A rat snake. In the potty. Bit his jiggly bits.  This is why you should always look twice.  My mom tells a story about a snake that crawled through a drain into an old clawed-foot bathtub at my grandparents’ house, 2nd story no less.  She ran out of the room shouting like a banshee.  Snakes like pipes, so now you know.

Which do you think is true?  Story #1:  A woman in Florida loved her mom so much, she kept the dead body in a back bedroom for 6 years.  or Story #2: Penelope Jordan kept her mom’s decomposing body in a spare room so she could collect on her pension plan.  If you picked story#2, you’d be right.  $200,000 right.  After 6 years of a melting body in hot, humid Florida, you’d think somebody would notice the smell.  But nope, authorities only found the corpse after neighbors called to complain about a cat problem.  Gross.

In Pennsylvania, old people are coming up with new, cutthroat ways to pay for their heart medicines.  65 year-old Elain Volkert and her partner in crime, 70 year-old Elizabeth Grube started dealing heroin to the sweet tune of $10,000 a week.  It makes sense why they’d do so well.  Who would you rather buy your drugs off of:  a scary drug lord, a doped-out junkie, or two senior citizens in a Buick with matching hair-helmets?  I’d pick the old ladies any day of the week.

I won’t be writing in tomorrow so have great weekend and I’ll see you all on Monday, bright and early.  Here’s a Hank update for your viewing pleasure: 3 1/3 months old this week and growing.  The first two shots were taken on 4/11/09 when he was almost 2 1/2 months old.  The second two were taken this morning on the fly.  4 pounds a week, baby! IMG_2810

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1 Comment

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One response to “Say It Ain’t So

  1. m

    hank is so adorable. is his mommy and daddy leaving him again this weekend?

    also, remind me to tell you of my snake story at my house in VA during last trip – it’s a doozy but luckily it didn’t bite me!

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