A woman in Sam’s office doesn’t even wait to get home to read the tabloids. She gets those suckers delivered right to her desk. Spreadsheet? More like People Magazine spread across her keyboard. Answer the phones, file a report, type up some memo’s? Not this gal. Not when there’s an expose on celebrity cellulite in US Weekly.
Ostensibly Sam brings the magazines home when she’s done so that I can keep up on the gossip. Somehow however, he always finds the time to read them way before I ever flip through. Makes you wonder who he’s really bringing them home for.
This week Star’s magazine left me gasping; Sean Penn and Natalie Portman were caught kissing! Say it isn’t so. An eye-witness claims that she walked in on them in a secluded area going at it. When they heard her they jumped apart guiltily thus reinforcing the witness’ belief that they were making out…but I remain dubious. Perhaps they were whispering about something work related. Maybe they’re spies pretending to be actors, pretending to pretend to be their parts, which is what actors are good at. And so are spies.
Being a famous actor/humanitarian is a perfect CIA cover story. Cover Story: Actor is going to help children in Afghanistan after press junket in Greece. Real Story: Actor is sneaking out at night to karate-chop bad guys while recruiting children for top-secret ‘Under 18 Force of Fury’ troupe.
Clever, very clever.
Now I know Sean Penn has a reputation for being a dog. Heck, I know someone who hooked up with him for years. The thing is, I just can’t see sweet Princess Lea aka Natalie Portman being an adulteress. It seems, I don’t know, sleazy, slimy, awful, disgusting… pick your adjective. Let’s just hope I’m right with the CIA theory. That or maybe one of them was choking and the other one was just doing CPR with his tongue. I’ve heard it’s a French technique.