Sand and Dust

Today I’m feeling my age.   I awoke to breakfast in bed and Kiki Wonder cuddling under the covers to steal my warmth.  Coffee and cinnamon and winter greeted my nose.  Sam even went out to a fancy bakery at 7 o’clock this morning to get me my favorites, including some gourmet salads for lunch.  And what did I do to say thank you?  I started to cry. 

It feels like it goes so fast sometimes.  One day I was wearing head-gear at night wondering if a boy would ever like me.  I thought I was doomed to spend my whole life alone in my childhood bedroom.  That I’d always have bad hair and an awkward body and a stash of dreams and wishes hidden in the back of my closet.  The Violent Femmes played over and over on the boombox as my soundtrack. 

And then I blinked or maybe I passed out from a car accident I can’t remember because I got amnesia?  Anyway, whatever happened, the next thing I knew I was definitely not in my childhood bedroom anymore.  I was paying bills and slathering on anti-aging creams and battling to keep my saggy parts up.  There was a dog and a man and a job and yet still the bad hair.  The soundtrack in the background was less Violent Femmes and more jazzy folk.  How the heck did I get here?

After Sam left this morning, confused and befuddled over my tears of breakfast in bed, I looked in the mirror and took stock.  I know that when I’m 65, I’ll look back and feel silly, but right now, today, in this moment – I don’t want to get any older than I am right now.  I don’t want to feel like the ride’s almost done.  I just want to pause it here for awhile.  I want the show to slow down and I want to cram some more adventures in.  I still have that cache of dreams and wishes filling the back of my closet and I want to do them all.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Sand and Dust

  1. m

    Hmmm, if you’re crying today on YOUR bday, what should I do tomorrow on mine? Cry a river perhaps? I know that there will be no breakfast in bed but probably a dog (or two)……It’s true life is short, but live each day as if it is your last and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Someone asked me today how old I will be tomorrow and I said I have no problem with the number of years I have been on this planet – I’m happy with all of them (ok, some more than others). So, Ms Sara – Have a WONDERFUL birthday and enjoy yourself and those around you who will celebrate with you today. And Know that you will have a LOT more adventures ahead of you – why this year alone you’ve been to France, Scotland and numerous cities in the US – that’s more than some can say!

  2. Harry

    Happy B-day by the way. I’m not sure how to ask women about their birthdays or wish for them. I also get tripped up on asking if they are pregnant. I’ll give you a phone call once I get out of hell (work).

  3. IDA

    Happy Birthday Sara.

    Kisses,

    Ida

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