Big City News

‘Corpse in ‘old lady clothes’ found inside North Hollywood home’

Apparently, a house with 26 cats, 3 possums, 1 raccoon, and a 48 year-old man also had a dead body barricaded in the back bedroom.  How’s that for surprise?  From the skeletal body, forensics estimate the death at about a year ago.  What was left of the skin was like leather.  The remains were found lying on the bed, still clothed.  I’m not making this up. 

Police described the house and yard as a garbage pit full of bugs, the stench intolerable.  Officers could not make their way through the plethora of garbage so they had rookies create a path.  I would not want to be newbie cop in North Hollywood today.  Neighbors told reporters that it had been 30 years since someone took out the garbage.  30 years?!  I get mad at Sam if he doesn’t take out the garbage at least once a week.  Why didn’t anybody do something about this? 

This is the single woman’s worst nightmare.  We die and no one notices.  Days, weeks, months, maybe like this woman, a whole year goes by – nobody knows, nobody cares.  We just rot away and disappear.  Maybe our pets eat us.  Maybe raccoons and possums and crack dealers move in.  The mocha, linen couch we spent weeks deliberating on?  The striped, duponi draperies we made from scratch?  All of it now looks like Miss Havisham’s house.  I just hope I’m wearing something fabulous when they find my body.  Dior or Valentino maybe.  I don’t want the reporters to know that I spend most of my time in sweatpants and a moth-eaten sweater.

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One response to “Big City News

  1. megan

    um…is your couch mocha colored only cause PP spilled coffee on it? I still feel bad. Sam proved himself (yet again) to be a stellar gent that day…as I was obsessing over the spill and if it would stain, he was making sure Piper didn’t burn herself. He be a good babydaddy.

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