Middle of the Road

Monday I was super compassionate.  Tuesday I was like an angry hornet.  Today I am middle of the road.  Republicans, Democrats – welcome to life as an Independent.  We don’t bash that crazy Muslim terrorist formally known as Barack Obama.  We don’t make fun of the idiocy that comes out of Caribou Barbie’s lipsticked mouth.  We don’t even have an opinion about abortion or gay marriage.  Like Switzerland and Washington D.C., we’re neutral.  So what do we talk about when we’re sitting in the middle of the road drinking an ice tea with lemon?  Not much.  Fashion.  Sports.  Exercise Regimes.  We play it cool and nice and equal.

Things that are innocuous enough to talk about on Wednesdays, at parties, and over dinner with your boss:  1. The weather.  Discussing heat, cold, rain, and wind chill factor will never, ever start an all-out brawl. 

2.  Young people.  Make fun of them, point your finger at how crazy these whippersnappers are nowadays.  There’s nothing better than having common ground and sharing stories about you used to walk to school, uphill, both ways, in the snow, with no shoes.  Builds character.

3. Words.  Call me a dork, but there’s nothing like a good word to get the juices flowing.  Heck, let’s be honest…this whole blog was basically just a lead up to me being able to dork-out with a good word.  You caught me.  Sorry about making you read all that other nonsense.  So without further ado:

Tatterdemalion – noun.  1. A ragamuffin.  A person dressed in tattered clothing.  2. Tattered; ragged.

Example: Standing in the middle of the road, trying to simultaneously say nothing and something has the tatterdemalion feel of road kill; in attempting to miss an oncoming Honda, I got nipped instead by the mail truck. 

  No more middle of the road.  Tomorrow I’m having a gay marriage and picketing a Planned Parenthood.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Middle of the Road

  1. Harry

    Can I come to the gay wedding?

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