Polygamists for President – Part II

Continued from yesterday… 

For months and months, Dan, Barb, and

Sally Mae Razzy spread the word.  Truth was, they were just like most folks except that Dan had relations with two women instead of one.  “What’s the big deal?”  Barb asked one afternoon on the Oprah Winfrey talk show.  “You have no idea how nice it is to be able to tag team in someone else when you don’t feel like going to a party or being in the bedroom.  Whenever I’m in the mood for some Barb time, I’ve got Sally Mae to pick up the slack.  To tell you the God’s honest truth, I love Sally Mae a smidgen more than I love Dan.  Being with her makes me feel well, complete.  Dan’s the icing on the cake.”  Barb went on to explain all of the tasks Dan did around the house that she and Sally Mae didn’t care to do.  Afterwards, many women in the audience stood up and said they understood.  Even Oprah admitted that the situation sounded ideal.  During the break, Barb heard Oprah on the phone with someone named Gayle and someone named Steadman talking about tax benefits for polygamists.  Barb listened carefully so she could share Oprah’s wisdom with Sally Mae later.


Eventually it came time for the primaries and for the first time since the Whigs appeared and disappeared back in the late 1800’s, a new party was heard.  Barack Obama beat Hillary Clinton to win the vote of the Democrat party, John McCain secured the Republican party vote, and out of nowhere a party by the name of ‘The People’s Choice’ stole so many American votes that it seemed as if they were the only party on the ticket.  The candidates for the People’s Choice were none other than Dan, Barb, and Sally Mae Razzy – they had stolen the hearts of Americans. 


All too soon it became time for the debates.  Dan, Barb, and Sally Mae pulled straws to see who would debate with whom.  Dan got the longest straw (which made him feel very manly) and would therefore debate presidential candidates Obama and McCain.  Barb and Sally were then left with Joe Biden and Sarah Palin.  Barb was nervous, but Sally Mae told her it was going to be fine.  “Joe may be a talker, but you and I both know that nobody has more words stored inside her than I do.  And that Sarah Palin is real nice on the eyes, but from what I keep hearing her say on the TV, there’s a short-wire somewhere up there in that coiffed head of hers.  You’re a teacher Barb.  You’ll knock her out flat like a flash flood.  One minute she be standing there repeating herself over and over again in circles, the next minute, Boom!  You’ll wash her away to the slaughter house.”  Barb nodded.  It was time for the Razzy’s to get ornery.

 Sally Mae, Dan, and Barb Razzy courtesy of the Associated Press.  Taken moments before the October 2nd debate.


To find out how the Razzy’s fare, tune in tomorrow for the final episode of Polygamists for President…


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