Pork. Sausage. Beef. Lamb. Venison.  There’s a whole lot meat out there.  This doesn’t include our ‘light meats’ like chicken, fish, and perhaps some put would eggs in this category.  Light meat is not the same as Real Meat as anyone would tell you.  Light meat is usually thin, white, and doused with sauces – Real Meat is bloody and stands alone.  And finally for those of us who’ve stopped dragging our knuckles on the ground, there’s the bean-meat, otherwise known as Soy. 

Since the day I stopped eating the Real Meats in the 11th grade, spurred by my mother, I’ve been on a search for alternative proteins.  Like alternative fuel, there are options.  One such option is Trader Joe’s Soy Chorizo. 

Ingredients: textured soy protein, water, soy oil, distilled vinegar, salt, spices, red pepper, garlic.  Calories: 140. Total Fat: 10g.  Sodium: 700mg.  Total Carbs:8g.  Protein: 9g.

Last night, Sam made me a sandwich of this exciting new stuff and swear to god, I was up all night.  Soy Chorizo translates to Salt Stick in Spanish.  I kept dreaming about fountains and waterfalls of icy, cold, freshness that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get to.  I woke up and broke the news to Sam.  No more Soy Chorizo.

Then, out of curiosity, I took a peak in our fridge.  You see, it was Sam’s turn to do the grocery shopping this week…and I think I’ll let the pictures of what I found speak for themselves.

The Freezer:

   Please notice if you will the plethora of prepared foods.  Pizza, Mochi, some kind of Chinese-wok beans, sausages, TeriyakiBowls, Bag O’ Orange Chicken…  I shut the door and moved on.  The last time I opened the freezer door, there were a few bags of frozen vegetables, ice trays, and some mostly empty liquor bottles that never got drank, but somehow kept making it from one move to the next.  (That bottle in the front has been with Sam since he graduated form UVA back in ’63)  Anyway, you can imagine how overwhelming this freezer was at 8am this morning.

The Refrigerator:

  And now I’d like to give you a close up of the Meat drawer…

  Please notice that the Meat drawer is so filled, Meat has spilled out onto the shelves.  Yes, that’s salami and prosciutto on top of my tub of fruit.  Inside the drawer I found pork and beef and several kinds of sausages.  There was also salmon and chicken and more nasty sausages.   Who wants to eat that much sausage?  I feel as if my refrigerator is hosting OctoberFest this year. 

Luckily, I’ve learned my lesson via Trader Joe’s Soy Chorizo.  I’ll be making a side trip to Whole Foods today – a little goat cheese, some toast points, maybe even a tub or two of chocolate ice cream…he never has to know.  Some women hide the shoes they buy from their husbands.  Others stash clothes and jewelry.  Looks like I’ll be one of those women who hides food that doesn’t begin with the letter MEAT.


1 Comment

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One response to “M E A T

  1. Harry

    I saw the pepper sauce!

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