Although I love my new home and I love unpacking boxes and finding new places for all of my accumulated belongings to collect dust, I am absolutely pooped. First and foremost, I apologize for not writing for the past several days. I’ve received hundreds of emails asking me what the hey, and the answer is simply, no internet in casa nueva. And to make matters worse, Time Warner (aka the devil company) can’t fit us into their schedule until early September. I know, right? By the time I have internet access it’ll be out of fashion.
Seriously though, I had no idea how much my life needed, revolved around, relied on even, the World Wide Web. I can’t look up the closest Bed, Bath, and Beyond because my box of linens somehow ‘fell off’ the moving truck. (???) I can’t mapquest how to get from my new house to Tom Cruise’s. (Tuesday night Scientology meetings) I can’t even read my emails <gasp!> or watch reruns of Project Runway when I’m getting ready for bed. It’s terrible, like a hole in my heart. Oh internet how I miss ye.
And this got me to thinking about internet dating. Let’s just say that my social life revolved around the internet via Match.com or eHarmony or S&Mfreaks.org – what would I be doing right now in this vacuum? Nothing. My dates would either lose interest, get picked up by someone else or realize they weren’t as into bondage as they thought they were. And where would that leave me? Alone, bored, and even angrier than I already am at Time Warner. Time Warner would have single-handedly ruined my entire social life with their ‘we’ll be there in September’ negligence.
Somewhere I have a box full of arts and crafts with colored paper and markers. I’m off now to find it and to go make some flyers:
New Neighbor Needs Internet
32, Curvy, Likes Dogs
Call Me to Discuss
Am Open to Paying For It