Last night I got it…insomnia. There I was lying in bed, my eyes pressed shut, a cool breeze caressing my face and urging me into slumber, but I knew. Oh, how I knew. And with that my eyes flew open.
I drank a glass of water; I drank a glass of milk. I ate a piece of pita; I ate a box of graham crackers. I lied on the floor, I lied on the sofa. I stood inside, I stood outside.
At 1AM things got desperate. Bundling my cashmere bathrobe around me, I tied on my tennis shoes and started walking. I walked all the way to Ralph’s grocery store. Ralph’s is full of people who can’t sleep. I met a woman in poultry who told me to get a chicken, a live one preferably although she pointed out a Turkish hen she liked the looks of. If I killed the chicken and rubbed its blood in a circle on the floor, I’d be able to fall asleep within the circle. I thanked her profusely and backed away slowly into the freezer section.
There was a small person jumping up and down in desserts. His name was Roberto D’Razio. I found this out and more when I helped him get a box of frozen, chocolate-covered bananas from the top shelf. I told him I had insomnia. He told me he did too. We walked together to the flower section and talked. I sat, he stood. We were both surrounded by flowers. In the middle of the night it felt like Paris.
Soon, another person joined us. A homeless transvestite named Sugar. He/She was the most gorgeous creature I’d ever seen. She told me in a soft, mocha voice that she was pleased to meet me. I rubbed the sleepers out of my eyes and blinked at her beautiful almond-colored face. Roberto already knew her from a night when he needed help in the cereal aisle. I told Sugar she should be a model. She told me she was one once.
Roberto and Sugar sucked on their bananas and talked about life. Eventually, I told them it was time for me to move on. We all shook hands. I would’ve offered to exchange phone numbers, but I didn’t want to hurt Sugar’s feelings. We agreed instead to meet back again in a few nights…I’m really looking forward to it.