Another Night in Paradise

Last night I got it…insomnia.  There I was lying in bed, my eyes pressed shut, a cool breeze caressing my face and urging me into slumber, but I knew.  Oh, how I knew.  And with that my eyes flew open.


I drank a glass of water; I drank a glass of milk.  I ate a piece of pita; I ate a box of graham crackers.  I lied on the floor, I lied on the sofa.  I stood inside, I stood outside.


At 1AM things got desperate.  Bundling my cashmere bathrobe around me, I tied on my tennis shoes and started walking.  I walked all the way to Ralph’s grocery store.  Ralph’s is full of people who can’t sleep.  I met a woman in poultry who told me to get a chicken, a live one preferably although she pointed out a Turkish hen she liked the looks of.  If I killed the chicken and rubbed its blood in a circle on the floor, I’d be able to fall asleep within the circle.  I thanked her profusely and backed away slowly into the freezer section.


There was a small person jumping up and down in desserts.  His name was Roberto D’Razio.  I found this out and more when I helped him get a box of frozen, chocolate-covered bananas from the top shelf.  I told him I had insomnia.  He told me he did too.  We walked together to the flower section and talked.  I sat, he stood.  We were both surrounded by flowers.  In the middle of the night it felt like Paris.


Soon, another person joined us.  A homeless transvestite named Sugar.  He/She was the most gorgeous creature I’d ever seen.  She told me in a soft, mocha voice that she was pleased to meet me.  I rubbed the sleepers out of my eyes and blinked at her beautiful almond-colored face.  Roberto already knew her from a night when he needed help in the cereal aisle.  I told Sugar she should be a model.  She told me she was one once.


Roberto and Sugar sucked on their bananas and talked about life.  Eventually, I told them it was time for me to move on.  We all shook hands.  I would’ve offered to exchange phone numbers, but I didn’t want to hurt Sugar’s feelings.  We agreed instead to meet back again in a few nights…I’m really looking forward to it.



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2 responses to “Another Night in Paradise

  1. m

    my dear what have you been smokin?
    what ralphs pray tell are you close to?

  2. Sam

    You’re crazy!

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