You know the old saying, “It’s all in the details.”?  Well that holds true for planning weddings too.  This quick look expose long-windedness retelling of mine (five steps to planning a wedding) began with Chapter 1 ‘Atmosphere’ (11.05.09), moved on to Chapter 2 ‘Personality’ (11.6.09) and Chapter 3 ‘Creativity’ (11.09.09), and then included Chapter 4 ‘the Love and Help of Your Friends and Family’ (11.10.09).  Since this guide is only five chapters long, it means that today’s chapter is our last.  So without further ado, let’s talk about details.

It should be fairly obvious by now if you’re been reading along, that the details are how you express you.  It’s the little things, the extra mile, and the added touch that helps to make a celebration yours.  The details are  your way of adding personality and creativity.  The details are how your guests know that they’re at your wedding and not Debbie and Albert Moskovitz’s.  Because let’s be honest, the basic outline for a wedding is fairly laid in dirt.  It’s up to you how much you want to get messy with it.  I for one, love coloring outside the lines.

Here are some ideas of what I mean:  (Please note that all of the following pictures are courtesy of Ted Begg, Abby Jacobs, Colleen Begg, and Shauna O’Toole, all guests at our barbecue shindig)

There is no way, noooo way I could’ve thrown myself a wedding without my family and friends.  At first I didn’t want to trouble anyone and was sure I could do it all alone.  By the end, I was asking my mailman if he minded coming in for a moment to help me decorate gift bags.  Peter, my mailman said no, (he was on a tight schedule), but a woman walking her dog in my neighborhood (thank you, Carol!) ended up being a real gem.  The point is, reach out and touch someone.  (wink-wink)

Here are some ways in which I coerced begged blackmailed pleaded forced asked people to help me:

1. I wanted my giftbags to be useful during the three nights, four days that our guests were staying with us.  Useful to me meant snacks.  There are never enough snacks for when you need one.  I also thought about the fact that most of our guests were flying to our destination wedding.  Who wants to fit more stuff into their luggage on the last day?  With snacks on the other hand, what’s to fit?  They’re all gone.  So I asked my Aunt Margee if she would help me…help me turned out into putting together the whole gosh darn bag.

• First she made several batches of gigantic chocolate chip cookies until Sam and I found the recipe we liked the most.  Then she made 120 cookies (3 for each person), put them into tiny cellophane bags, and tied them closed with blue ribbons and a copy of the recipe for each guest.  This was all done on the day before the wedding with the help of my mom, my cousin-in-law, Sam’s mom, and his sister, Duncan.
• Margee also went to a farmer’s market out in the countryside of Maryland, in a region known for its fruit trees and gardening.  She picked out tons of organic dried fruits and put them all in…you guessed it, little cellophane bags that closed with a blue ribbon.
• Pennsylvania Dutch country (where I’m from) is known for its pretzels so Margee also went out and purchased dozens of bags of pretzels.  The ladies in the ‘command center’ placed them in their bags on the day before and cinched them shut with a blue ribbon.
• Then Sam’s mom got into the act and roasted pounds of southern pecans.  We needed some representation from Memphis for our guests to snack on.  So each guest got (surprise, surprise) a cellophane bag filled with delicious pecans, tied shut with a blue ribbon.
• Mary Beth also went out and found a wheel-barrow load of Goo-Goo Clusters, which if you’re not from Memphis, you may not have heard of of.  They’re these chocolate pie about the size of a flat baseball, filled with caramel and nuts and other things that make your heart beat fast.  So we put one of those in each bag too.
• Finally, we decorated the bags and added a large bottle of water for each guest.  We picked the water that came from the Sierra mountains in nearby Northern California in an attempt to minimize our carbon footprint.  This cornucopia of nibbles was given to each guest; it was a bag filled with us, our families, and our love.

1. (But Really 2.)  Our weekend had three evenings of celebrations and each party had its own decorations, theme, and layout.  The first night, the Rehearsal Dinner, which I explained in yesterday’s chapter, was all about taking a walk from the past into the present.  We held it at a restaurant on the property and our greatest hope was that all the people in our lives would connect.  I came up with the ideas, but it was Sam’s family who did all of the work, the design, the movie-making, and the cutting and pasting.  I gave a daft speech though.

• Our second night was the Ceremony and the Reception.  This of course had the most work involved.  My dear friend, Mary surprised me with all of the candelabras and candlesticks my little heart could ever desire.  Tommy, another talented friend, did all of my flowers for me and by ‘do all of my flowers’ I really mean created an atmosphere.  I wanted my wedding to feel like a country affair in the backyard of someone’s home 60 years ago.  Mary and Tommy accomplished that.  I also wanted luminaries and rose petals and apothecary jars filled with floating candles.  Done. Done. Done.  I wanted long burlap tablecloths on the three 20′ tables we were having dinner on and mismatched, colorful prints for all of the cocktail tables.  I wanted the seating chart to be done haphazardly on a large blackboard, specialty drinks to be drawn up on another near the bar, and a portrait gallery to be set up for each guest to get silly.  I wanted old-fashioned lights strung up above us at dinner, but twinkle lights in the bushes by the dance floor.  I wanted an ice cream stand, a leave a note table, and candles everywhere.  My uncle even made signs from old barn wood that read, “Wedding,” “Wedding,” “Just Married,” and “Finally!”  I planned all of this, but executed almost none of it.  It was my friends, my bridesmaids (and bridesdudes), my family, and my awesome day-of coordinator (thank you, Cathy!) who pulled it all together.

• Last, but not least we had a costume party on Halloween.  The All Hallow’s Eve fiesta was to be held at the same house as the reception, but the theme this time was Day of the Dead.  My Aunt Margee came to the rescue again.  With the help (read nimble hands) of her garden girls, her glutton girls, and her sailing sally friends, Margee made dozens and dozens of huge, paper flowers (Dahlia’s to be exact) in bright pink and bright orange tissue paper that my mom found.  They were carefully unfolded from their trek cross-country by my new, extended family and hung from the ceiling by my cousins.  My mother flew with the makings of a Day of the Dead altar, which she put together carefully after making sure all of my DoD luminaries were up.  One of my dearest friends, Shauna made an 8 hour playlist on her ipod that (if we’re being honest) rocked the Casbah.  Shauna also, with the help of Sam’s sister, Lee manned the Halloween photo booth, which was really more of an old school yearbook photo thing, than actual photo booth.  Guests stood in front of a backdrop, had their Polaroid taken, wrote a message on the bottom, and then clothes-pinned it to a wall of twine in the living room.  Again, like a little general, I pointed and smiled and laid out my vision, but all of the work was done by my loved ones.

1. (But Really 3) The Parker Palm Springs has a woman there Patty Gleeson.  She, with the expertise of the banquet manager, made everything work smoothly.  I’m 100% positive that no one has ever asked them to hold a family-style, southern barbecue before, but they did it with finger bowls and double napkins and it was wicked.  (actually, those were both my idea too – pat, pat)  My day-of coordinator (which I highly recommend if you’re debating) fell into my lap after a series of exhausting conversations with women who charged more than my rent.  Cathy on the other hand, worked with my budget and with the help of the her partner (the Wizard), made by day run without a hitch. (Cathy and Dorry\’s Celebrations of Joy)  My photographer was an angel and also worked with me…and then worked some more.  On the night of our wedding, she had a left a little book on the bed side table.  Inside was an old-fashioned photograph of the two of us taken on a camera she had to wind-up each time she used.  (Yvette Roman)  And then of course there was the gentleman at Signature Lighting who reconfigured the whole lighting arrangement to meet my budget, my girlfriend who lent me her special card to get my fabric downtown for 20% off, and my best friend, Megan who splurged for all of the ladies who have a private yoga class on Friday morning.  There was also Shauna, who did my make-up, my mom’s make-up, and anybody else’s who asked nicely, Krista and Natalie who were exactly where they needed to be when I wanted them there, Kim who gave us something we really needed at the last minute, and well…I could go on forever.

The point is, you need your friends and family wedding.  Even our friends when planning a who couldn’t make it, made it.  I’m not sure how I got so lucky to have such a great support team, but I do and I am grateful!

For those of you sick to death of the wedding program over here in blog world….hang in there.  Just a few chapters left, I promise!

Planning a wedding with creativity means taking your personality, taking your budget, and putting them together in a way that says, “Hello, hello, hello.” instead of “Fire in the hole!”  Here are some examples:

1. For our rehearsal dinner, we wanted our guests to get to know one another so we planned 9 tables of four and 2 tables of five.  Each table was made of guests who did not know one another, but who had things in common.  There were tables of two men with two women and there were also tables of only men and only women.  We strung up twine outside with clothespins attached to hold on each guest’s name and seating card.  Every four pictures there was a picture of either Sam or me matriculating.  It began in kindergarten and went through every awkward stage until we reached high school. As well, the names of each table were all places where Sam and I had lived; Paris, San Francisco, Prague, Florence, Hamilton, Charlottesville, Memphis, Newark, Oahu, Martha’s Vineyard, Madrid, Washington D.C., New York, and of course, Los Angeles.  Each table had a center piece with sus in it.  For example, Florence = El Duomo, the most famous site in the city, with my smiling face smiling out of a third-story portico.  As soon as someone sends me pictures of any of this, I’ll post them.  The point is however, get creative!  (The picture above is quite blurry because I’ve blown it up from another shot, but you can see Washington D.C..  I believe that’s Sam and wanna-be-President Quail?)
2. Instead of a guest book at our wedding, which we probably would never look at again, Sam salvaged an old wine crate for me.  I then purchased 60 cards and stamped all of them by hand with the image of an old canning jar, something that was used throughout our wedding.  (I love bell jars, they remind me of home.)  I made a sign (no penciling it out first – I wanted it to look as homemade as possible) and then framed it.  We put the sign, the wine crate, some pens, and all 60 cards on the coffee table.  We’re quite excited to open them all up come next year!  In case you can’t see clearly, the sign reads: Please Leave A Note For The Happy Couple To Open On Their One Year Anniversary
3. Last, but not least (I think three ideas is enough for one day) was our idea for dessert.  I hate cake.  Always have.  In fact, I’m notorious for it in my family and have never had a cake for a birthday while I was growing up.  When it came time to ‘pick the cake’ for our wedding I shook my head.  No cake.  Instead, I incorporated something I love, Ice Cream.  I love it, love it, love it.  I can eat a pint for breakfast, a pint for lunch, a pint for dinner, and pint before bed.  I’d probably feel as sick as a dog, but the point is, I could do it and still want to have some more ice cream the next day.  So we had three homemade flavors made; a Mint-Chocolate Chip, a Mocha-Chip, and a Strawberry Prosecco Sorbet.  Then I made my own version of an old-fashioned ice cream stand.  I even made signs so our guests could see what flavors we had.  Sara’s Minty Minty Chip.  Sam’s Mocho-Choco Chip.  Hank and Kiki’s Strawberry Prosecco.  And then one sign to describe all of the cupcakes and cookies we had on a nearby table.  The signs were a blast to make.

Think about it…what kind of party would you rather go to?  One in the basement of a hotel with scratchy tablecloths and dry salmon or one at your friend’s house with candlelight and a homemade soundtrack?  If you picked B. then this chapter is for you!

After picking your venue (see last chapter called planning atmosphere) the next step is throwing your personality into the mix.  In fact, don’t just throw it, hurl it against the wall like a pot of wet spaghetti.  Get your noodley self in there!  But what if, you say, I have no personality?  I am meek, boring, flavorless, and really quite dull.  My answer for you is, I doubt it.  If you’re reading this right now instead of some book from Barnes and Nobles, there is a freak inside of you just waiting to get out.  Let that baby go.

Every step of the way (with my own wedding) I thought to myself, here is what is usually done, here is what is being suggested…now how I can turn that upside down and inside out until it looks like me?  Here are some examples:

1. Most brides have bridesmaids and most grooms have groomsmen.  I had three brideswomen and two bridesmen- why should I exclude the men in my life just because they’re men?  I also had two attendants with four feet and a lot of body hair, Hank the Tank and Kiki Wonder.  Sam had five groomsmen and one groomswoman, which if you do the math, is more than me.  We incorporated this into our ceremony by having a procession that included two men with two dogs and two men with one woman.  Like I said, not quite your ‘usual,’ but it worked for us.
2. We also did not make our wedding party do the match-matchy as I shudder to call it.  Instead, we asked the ladies to wear whatever they liked as long as A) they felt beautiful in it and B) it was a water color.  The men were told to don tan suits, any color/pattern of shirt, a water-color tie, and no shoes.  Their gift from us was a pair of baby-blue argyle socks and Converse sneakers.
3. Hiring a photographer: Instead of looking for a “wedding photographer” I looked for someone whom I admired.  Yvette Roman, she’s like a little photographing fairy.  I can’t wait to see the pictures!!  (Yvette Roman)
4. Instead of using the nearby stationers shop for all of our needs, Sam and I branched out and threw our personality into that as well.  Who wants bland when you can have something more?  Our Save the Date was a funny Polaroid of the two of us dressed up during a volunteer day at the nearby Children’s Hospital.  With the help of a friend, I copied the photo at Kinko’s and then glued it onto magnetic paper.  We wrote our message on the bottom in the white space.  Our Rehearsal Dinner invitation and our All Hallow’s Eve Party invitation were made by Duncan Ragsdale (Duncan Ragsdale) and featured bright colors and mismatched fonts, not to mention a Day of the Dead bride, groom, Hank, and Kiki to match the theme of our 10.31 fiesta.  As for our actual wedding invitation, I used a small letterpress company called Smock (Smock Paper) who has a design they individually calligraphy before making.  One of their options is an RSVP postcard instead of a formal reply card.  As we were inviting all of our guests to all three events (Rehearsal Dinner, Wedding Reception, and All Hallow’s Eve Party) we designed the postcard to include all three in a column where guests could check off what they could attend and what they couldn’t.  This saved paper and unnecessary waste.  Then, I went around and purchased about a dozen sheets of old map paper of Rome.  I cut and paste the map into each inner envelope as my liner.  This was my homage to Italy, a place that Sam and I both love and (had it not been almost impossible) would’ve liked to have gotten married.  As for our program, I designed them myself.  I’m known for my drawings of Sam and our family and we have many in our house from years past.  Sam and I printed the programs out on four different shades of blue paper.  This was the darkest blue and it still showed up really well.
5. I think this will be my last entry for today…and while it is last, it is not least.  Infuse the ceremony of your wedding with YOU.  Sam and I scouted high and low to make a ceremony that was all us.  We even created a soundtrack, which didn’t include a single wedding song, but did include Alexi Murdoch, the Peanuts Song, and Tracy Chapman.  Here is the full ceremony below (in all it’s splendor) for any of you who might be looking for inspiration.  I’m not sure how it went for our guests (although many have told me it was the most special ceremony they’ve ever been to), but for us, the bride and groom, it meant something…it was real, it was us, it was true.  Also, we had one of our dear friends, whose marriage we deeply respect, deliver the ceremony, which really added to our pleasure.  Rabbi Jordy Green knocked that ball out of the park!

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1. OPENING WORDS

Friends, we have been invited here, on this beautiful day in Palm Springs to share with Sara and Sam a very important moment in their lives.  This journey began for Sara and Sam almost four years ago in a yoga studio on Larchmont Street in Hancock Park.  The journey has taken them through Big Sur, Maryland, Memphis, and France.  It’s grown into not just Kiki Wonder, but also a puppy named Hank.  And this journey brings us all here today to witness their vows and their promise to continue the journey as husband and wife.

Jordy says a few words.

Jordy introduces Aunt Margee and Uncle Harry (please note that it’s Aunt Margee, not Ant Margee):

I’d like to introduce now Sara’s Aunt Margee and Uncle Harry.  They will be reading the secrets that you have all shared for a happy marriage.  Margaret and Harry have been married for 33 years this December 18^th.

2. AN OPENING READING : The Secrets of a Happy Marriage by All of You.

Aunt Margee and Uncle Harry read what our guests have shared about their secrets for a happy marriage.

3. DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE

The union and commitment between a husband and a wife in heart, body, and soul is a gift for their mutual joy.  This love and promise will help and comfort them in prosperity and adversity.  It will allow them to remember and cherish that they have joined together to be with one another and to support one another and to create a life together that is bigger than themselves.  Marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and with an understanding of the deep commitment that is being promised.

4. THE DECLARATION OF CONSENT

Jordy says to Sara:

Sara, will you have this man to be your husband?  Will you love him, comfort him, support him and remain true to him, in sickness and in health?  Will you declare here in front of all those whom you love, to cherish him and to appreciate him for as long as you both shall live?

Sara answers:

I will.

Jordy says to the Sam:

Sam, will you have this woman to be your wife?  Will you love her, comfort her, support her and remain true to her, in sickness and in health?  Will you declare here in front of all those whom you love, to cherish her and to appreciate her for as long as you both shall live?

Sam answers:

I will.

Jordy then addresses the congregation, saying:

Friends and family of Sara and Sam: They have asked you here because they love and respect each and every one of you.  They have asked you here to be a part of this sacred union and to take part in the special ceremony that signifies their commitment to one another now and for always.  Therefore, will all of you witnessing these promises between Sara and Sam do all in your power to uphold them in their marriage?

People We will.

5. THE BLESSING

Friends, with your promise to Sara and Sam, they ask you to take part in a blessing of their marriage.  Please stand and join hands to form a large circle that Sara and Sam may walk around in a symbol of their unity.  As Sara and Sam pass you, bless them with your wishes, either silently or out loud, for what you hope their journey together entails.

Sara and Sam will wait for the guests to form a circle and then walk clockwise as ‘The Promise’ by Tracy Chapman plays.

I’d now like to introduce Sam’s sister, Lee who will be reading Pablo Neruda’s 17^th Sonnet.

6.  SECOND READING

Lee reads:

Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.
Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.
Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

***Note: English translation will be include in the Program – Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
Or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
Secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
Hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
And thanks to your love, darkly in my body
Lives dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving
But this, in which there is no I or you,
So intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
So intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

7. THE VOWS

Sam, please face Sara and take her hands.  Repeat after me:

I, Samuel, take you, Saramargaret,

to be my wife,

and in doing so, I commit my life to you.

I embrace the sorrows and the joys,

the hardships and the triumphs,

and the experience of our lives together.

I promise to give as well as receive,

to listen as well as speak,

and to respond and to inspire.

I make this commitment in love.

This is my solemn vow.

Sara, please repeat after me:

I, Saramargaret, take you, Samuel,

to be my husband,

and in doing so, I commit my life to you.

I embrace the sorrows and the joys,

the hardships and the triumphs,

and the experience of our lives together.

I promise to give as well as receive,

to listen as well as speak,

and to respond and to inspire.

I make this commitment in love.

This is my solemn vow.

8. EXCHANGE OF RINGS

The rings please…

Thomas gives Jordy the rings.

Bless these rings to be a sign of the vows by which Sam and Sara have bound themselves to one other.  Let these rings always remind them of this day and of the promises that they are making to one another in front of all whom they love.

Sam places the ring on Sara.

Sara, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have.  I love you.

Sara places the ring on Sam.

Sam, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have.  I love you more.

Before we end here today I’d like to introduce Abby Jacobs who went to Colgate with Sara.  Sara and Sam asked her to pick something from her heart.  She will be reading I Want by Kim Konopka.

9. CLOSING READING

Abby reads:

I Want by Kim Konopka

I want
to shove my clothes
to one side of the closet,
give you the bigger half.
Quietly I’ll hide most of my shoes,
so you won’t know I have this many.
I will
rearrange furniture to add more,
find space on my shelves for your many books,
nail up the placard that says
poets do it, and redo it, and do it again.
I want
to share a laundry basket,
get our clothes mixed up,
wait for the yelling
when my reds run wild
into your whites
turning them a luscious pink,
your favorite color of me.
I will
move my pillow
to the other side of the bed,
lay yours next to mine,
your scent on the fabric
always near me,
even on the nights you’re away.
I will
buy a new bureau to hold your
thousand and one black socks,
find a place for all those work boots,
the ones I refer to as big and ugly.
I want
more pots and pans to wash,
piles of them leaning high
from late night meals
cooked naked and drunk,
red wine pouring into
a sauce of simmering
tomatoes, garlic, and olive oil,
kisses bitten between bites,
and platefuls of our late hours,
stacking up into dawn.
I want
to stock cupboards, closets and pantry
fill the house with us.
I want to gain weight with you
because our love,
our love makes me fat.

10. DECLARATION OF MARRIAGE

Jordy joins the Sara and Sam’s hands.

Today marks a new chapter in Sara and Sam’s journey together; one that will be filled with wonder, surprises, laughter, tears, celebration, grief and joy.  May this marriage reflect the warmth that flows through them here today.  Two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle.  Wherever they go, may they always return to one another. May they grow in understanding and in compassion.  May the home that they establish be a place of peace, comfort and sanctuary.

Do all of you, here assembled, affirm this marriage and give it your blessing?

Please answer, “We do!”

I ask that everyone together please repeat after me, “We, your family and friends, now pronounce you husband and wife!”

Sam, you may now kiss the bride.

11. INTRODUCTION OF NEWLYWEDS

Friends and family, I joyfully present to you the newly married couple, Sara and Sam!

There are many important facets to throwing a successful wedding.  Just having survived had mine, I’ve been getting a lot of emails asking me how mine turned out right.  Here’s my recipe:

1. aspirin
2. citric acid
3. sodium bicarbonate
4. plastic explosives
5. Tabasco sauce

Whoops.  Wrong recipe.  The ingredients to a fantastico celebration are:

• Personality.
• Creativity.
• The Love and Help of Your Friends and Family.
• Details.
• Intimacy….otherwise known as The Guest List.
• And most importantly, Atmosphere.

Each of these ingredients is crucial as I’ll show you in the coming days.  Welcome to Sara’s Guide to Planning a Rock Concert Wedding!

Today’s chapter will discuss the foundation of any good fiesta – the Atmosphere, the Vibe, the Mood, the Setting.  Like a good book, a good party has got to have a good setting.  Where’s the fun in renting out an old mansion in Tutu County if the nearest hotel is 85 miles away?  No one wants to be driving after a wedding.  Instead think of your guests’ needs, comforts, and enjoyment.  Why not rent the house in Tutu County AND rent 3 dozen air streams?  That way, your guests can sleep on the property only yards away!

Or if old school isn’t your cup of tea, find a modern venue that has the space you’re looking for.  If you’re an outdoorsy couple, find a farm or a dude ranch.  If  you like motorcycles, rent out the Harley warehouse.  If outer-space is your cup of Star Trek, invite your guests to go to Space Camp with you.  Whatever it is you’re into, incorporate that into your setting.  That is the beginning of your story.

I feel like a rock star coming off tour.  My knees hurt, my smile hurts, even my eyeballs are tired…but it was all worth it.  I’ll do more about what we planned and how it went off, but in the interim, here’s a little taste of the weekend.  Photos are courtesy of Colleen Begg and Shauna O’Toole.

The mothership has arrived.  At 9:30pm last night we rendezvoused at LAX in the United baggage area.  By 10pm we were home, and by midnight, yours truly was asleep.  The mother says I look exhausted, I ask if we can tell people I’m doing drugs.  The mother does not find this amusing.  The mother says my face looks thin, I blame the drugs again.  It’s a foolproof excuse, I tell her.  If anything goes wrong this weekend at the wedding, we can just say I’m a drug-head.  Poor thing, it’s not my fault, I’m drug addled.  I can get away with anything.  The mother raises an eyebrow.  Making jokes about the unfortunate business of being addicted to drugs is not in good humor, she tells me.  Okay, I respond, let’s blame it on the aliens.  Nothing has been going my way since they abducted me in September.

The mother is a force to be reckoned with and I am happy she’s here.  The Energizer bunny has nothing on this dame, even the road runner looks half-cocked when compared to the speed with which the mother runs around.  I am hungry just thinking about it.  Note to self: why does the energy exerted by other make me hungry?  It’s not like I’m the one burning the calories.  Strange.

Two days left.  Two days.  Dos.  Deux.  Whatever two is in German.  That’s not a lot of time left…I’m not ready.  The mother looks over my shoulder.  “Ready or not, it’s coming.  And zwei is how you say two in German.”

I love a good break-up concert.  What’s that, you ask?  It’s when you’ve gotten tickets ages ago to see a concert with your boyfriend…but you and the guy (jerk I mean) have split up in the interim.  The break-up concert is a wonderful night filled with good luck, happy coincidences, and tons of reminders that you’re better off without him.  It’s the universe’s way of reminding you what happy feels like.  That’s why you broke up with him.  And this is what you deserve.

Last night was no different.  My girlfriend called me two days ago with the sad news that she had break-up tickets.  Well turn that sad frown upside down because I was ready to be one hell of a date!  The music: Black Eyes Peas, U2.  The venue: the Rose Bowl, Pasadena.  The crowd: record breaking, over 100,000 people were estimated to show and the news was going crazy with traffic reports and crowd warnings.  But none of that applies for a those who are in our boat, the break-up boat.  We hit the road at 5pm, never saw a lick of traffic, parked our car in 10 seconds (for free), grabbed a margarita (no line), and were in our seats (center, center) just before the lights went down.

Black Eyes Peas: Fergie looks like she came out of a trailer park somewhere after one too many jobs doing something dirty.  But despite her distractingly trashy looks, that woman can sing and boy did she last night.  Her voice is strong and powerful.  As a whole, the music was awesome, one hit after another with a Slash appearance and a little Guns and Runs to end the set.  The guys rocked it too and the BEP’s got the packed Rose Bowl hopping.  What more can I say, it was really a great performance although to be fair, Fergie did drop a few words in the G&R song and I’m not quite sure what that thing was with Mexican flag was all about.

And then U2 came:  Bam.  Bono and the crew hits the stage and it’s like daddy’s home.  I will admit that the first song was weak (new song, not so great) after the might of the BEP’s, but that didn’t last long.  It’s U2, they knew what they were doing.  From song to song, the band reminded us of why they’re so great.   The thought that kept running through my mind was, ‘that’s their song too?’  I knew every song, I sang lyrics I didn’t know I knew, I smiled so much my face hurt, and all the while, the most amazing show was happening above and around the stage.  U2, performers that they are, knew what they were doing and built something spectacular.   Something fitting a live broadcast to seven continents.

It looked like giant octopus-crab from the bottom of the sea.  An octo-crab with a screen that kept stretching up and down to create a visual effect that blew the mind.  When it was tight the picture was as clear as watching television, when it was elongated (like you see here, taken from my phone) the picture became an abstract amalgamation of color and image.  And let’s not forget the thousands and thousands of people who looked like the milky way, twinkling and blinking and undulating in the dark.

The concert was broadcast live all over the world.  You can watch it on YouTube although I’m not sure if it does the energy of the place justice:  U2

And then the concert was over.  My girlfriend and I walked down and sat in the front row and waited for the encore, just like that because we were after all, still in our break-up boat.  We sat and we cheered and we were rewarded by an amazing mini-set from our new, down-low seats.  And then we left, and we went to our car, and we got on the freeway, and we were home.  No traffic, no crowds, no hassle.  Easy as pie.  I couldn’t believe it.

Last night was wonderful and if a certain ex-boyfriend is reading this…we are moving and we are grooving and the universe it saying thumbs up.  So that means you’re out, and out, and out.  Buh-bye.

I won’t tell you who these people are to protect the innocent.  (Harry, Colleen, and Dexter Begg.  21 Maple Drive.  Annapolis, MD 21401.)  Nor will I tell you how I know them (we’re related) or why I have pictures of them during their pregnancy (stalker alert).  What I will tell you is that I love these photographs!

Meet the Smith Family. (that’s not their real name) Collette (lie), Henry (lie), and their new pup, Dazzle (another lie).  They’re you’re All-American family.  Collette is the manager of a bank and runs a swap meet on Sundays in the cul-de-sac at the end of their street.  Henry is a graphic art designer who does some web design on the side.  Henry also like to paint, which he does every Sunday while Collette is at her swap meet.  Dazzle is their first dog.  (And none of this is true.)

They say a picture tells a thousand words.  I could do a good 200 on this couple whether I knew them or not.  They’re expecting a baby.  They’re happy and excited.  They care enough to freeze the moment forever.  They’re making a family.

Our lives are so full of news (carnage, despair, political bullying) that seeing something like this, something so nice and bright is rare.  This is happiness, joy, anticipation, and love.  Whether you know these people or not, a single frame has captured a little miracle.  And this couple, the Smiths (whomever they may be) make me smile.

Have you ever had something on the schedule that’s like headlights in the distance?  For some the headlights might be a grand adventure, a trip abroad, even a wedding perhaps.  For others the lights ahead are a serial killer coming down the road in a dirty, El Camino or a day to sign the papers or the last time you say goodbye.  The point is, it’s there, ahead, waiting, coming, creeping closer.  That’s where I am right now.  I cross off today in my calendar and count.  It used to be that I counted in months.  Then it switched it to weeks.  Then days.  And now the time frame of those headlights bathing me in light is so close I can see their outline.

I’m not sleeping anymore.  I lie in bed waiting for sleep and thinking of all the things I could get up and do.  I could get a massage, but who gives massages at 12:30am?  Right.  I don’t think I want that kind of massage.  Maybe I should drink some milk, but honestly, my nights are so filled with milk as it is, I moo’ed at a stoplight yesterday.  So I do what I always do, I get up and read.  I’ve read 19 books in the past two weeks.  I’m 1/3 of the way through my 20th.  I’ve read about expeditions up Mount Everest in the early 1900’s, Van Gough’s loss of his left ear, teenage vampires up to mischief, and ladies of the regency looking for love in naughty rakes.   I’ve read about pipelines in Iran, mobsters in Russia, banks in Sweden, and rickety old houses filled with witches.  I’m not choosy, just awake.

So if you ever fall down the rabbit hole and are staring at a pair of headlights in the distance, don’t fret.  I’ve got a list of places that you can travel to night after night.  Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock.